Saturday, 14 March 2015

"It's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety"

When you're hurting and the Rejection Monster comes to visit

You could take "anxiety" out of that title and put any number of things in its place: depression; kids; a partner; cancer. And it's true. I don't mind admitting that having never been diagnosed with anxiety I haven't the faintest clue what it's like to live day-to-day life. But those words still stung.

Have you ever used a phrase like that? I have, and when said gently and with kindness it's not necessarily the wrong thing to say. You see it's not the words themselves that stung. Rather it was the rejecting and controlling heart behind it.

Sometimes, when we're hurting, when we're vulnerable and been kicked to the curb our response to love is to lash out. It's something of a defensive mechanism, to control the situation and supposedly stop us from getting hurt but it's wrong, very wrong. I've done it countless times and have been blessed by some very patient and loving people in my life. And a loving Heavenly Father who "never leaves" or "forsakes" me, no matter how many times I tell Him to "go away." Yikes.

So, why is this response wrong? Well because it's often a result of listening to Satan and the lies he whispers in your ear, rather than to the Word of God. That may sound pretty extreme but let me put it into context for you.

Say you've had a rough day at uni or wok, nothing's gone right and you have a pile of work sky high. The guy you were seeing dumped you, your friends aren't answering their phones and nobody seems to care. If you're anything like me it's round about this time that Rejection enters from stage left.

"No one really loves you."

"No one cares."

"You're not worth it."

"Why do you even bother?"

By the time you get home to your family you're in a deep, dark pit of misery. Any attempts at comfort, or even healthy interaction (like, say, "How was your day?"), are met with such crushing rejection (<cue "it's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety" reference>) that it's a wonder they still let you live here.

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be going through stuff that in all honesty other people can't properly understand unless they've been there themselves. And you can tell them that (GENTLY!). But before you let the Rejection Monster take over and hurt those who love you just stop for a second and take a breath. Consider if your next action will do more harm than good. And remember that the person on the other side does love you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

We are accepted in the Beloved


Unknown said...

So this took a few attempts to read but very powerful I understood bits of it well the stuff relate to me and it's good to know I'm not alone not the only person in the world going through this the last paragraph got me like the part

Unknown said...

About consider your actions next won't hurt people and I was thinking as I'm batteling with a lot of rejection at the moment and I'd like to disappear but that action would not only hurt people but god

MB said...

Thanks for taking the time to read this :) yes it's definitely hard to do when all you want is to disappear. And sometimes we'll stuff it up, but that's ok. We pick ourselves and keep going, keep loving people and apologising when we hurt others.