This post is a temporary break from my study of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. The reason for this is that yesterday I had a visit from the Rejection Monster and it blew my blogging plans out of the water. I talked about rejection in a previous post. We all have different struggles and rejection is one of mine. So, if it's something you find difficult I hope you are encouraged by this post.
Do you ever wake up from a bad dream and can't remember exactly what happened? It's all a little blurry and the only thing that is a abundantly clear is the emotional response the dream provoked. This is how I feel today. The details of yesterday are a little blurry but like a bad dream the feelings remain. There's a certain heaviness and vague sense of feeling a bit 'off.' However they're only feelings.
What?? Only feelings?! Are you mad?
Possibly. But it's true. This is something I have been learning over the past year, something my dad has certainly been trying to teach me for a while. In simple terms the lesson is that, yes, they are only feelings. Feelings do not define your personality, your sense of worth. They can be very strong and very powerful but that doesn't mean they control you. You have a choice. Somtimes that choice may seem very small and very faint but it's still there, glimmering in the darkness. You can make the choice to say 'no' to your feelings and negative thinking because they're not always accurate.
Oh, come on! Now you're telling me my feelings lie to me?? But they're my feelings, I don't lie to myself!
Sure you do. I do it all the time. And it's a choice. I can choose to cling to the truth or to the lies. I can choose to hold on to my feelings and call them 'The Truth' but I think that title is already taken...
"I am the way, the truth and the life."
Jesus is pretty clear here. Hard to argue when it's so obvious (frustrating, I know). Yet still we will twist and turn trying to justify our feelings. Fine, you can do that. You have freedom of will. That's your choice. But understand that you made that choice. It can go the other way as well.
So while my feelings are screaming at me to go back to bed, hide under the covers and ignore the world I'm saying "no." And saying "yes" to life, "yes" to truth and "yes" to God, who whispers so gently that He loves me. And while I scream back at Him that I don't deserve His love I'm almost certain He told me "too bad." And that's the truth. No matter how strong the feeling of rejection is you. are. loved.