God first, then chocolate

Hello internet friends! I apologise for my lengthy absence. It has been a very busy semester but I am back (for the moment) so yay!

Hands up if you love chocolate? If you don't (madness!) I imagine there are other indulgences in your life, be it Netflix, coffee, gardening or particularly scrumptious crumpets with butter and jam (I could really go for some of those right now).



And it's not bad to enjoy these things!

But we must acknowledge that they do not solve the problem. Yes, despite what the television tells you chocolate will not make everything better. Nor will delicious crumpets (*sigh*).



It's not even necessarily bad to have these things when you're feeling bad. My dad's go to "cheer-up-crying-daughter" solution is hot chocolate. But lately he started praying for me first and then administering the delicious brew.

His reasoning was this: Yes, hot chocolate cheers you up but what you really want is not the actual beverage but the feeling of love and care when I make it for you. That's fine but what you really need is God's love. So I'm still going to make you hot chocolate but I want to pray for you first.

An interesting effect of this is that I have since stopped wanting hot chocolate as much. I still enjoy it and get all the warm fuzzies when someone makes it for me but I don't crave it in the same way.

To me this indicates that dad was right and what I was really craving was the love of God.

It is not unusual for me to turn to food or other sources of comfort when I am sad or stressed. But before long I will find that it does not satisfy and the negative feeling is not displaced. This is especially true when I am feeling particularly depressed and having a bad mental health day. I will drain people dry trying to fill up the emptiness and hurt inside but it never works.

I thought this was a beautiful quote from Nick Vujicic.

Lately I have been disciplining myself to turn to God first, and then chocolate. Within reason it's okay to have the chocolate:

"All things are lawful but not everything is profitable."

Corinthians 10: 23a

But chocolate will not solve my problems, it will not love me and it certainly will not save me. So, let us turn to the one who gives us rest for our souls (Matthew 11: 29) before we take another bite of that Hershey bar.

I was inspired, in part, by this great post by Eva Bridges who is a Christian missionary in Israel. I've referred to this post before, and it continues to have an impact on me! I encourage you to give it a read.

God bless and have a wonderful week.

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Photo credit:
(1) Image by condesign. Public domain.
(2) Image by Church Iglesia. Used under CC license.
(3) Image by jubileelewis. Used under CC license.

One of a kind

Love is kind

See what I did there?  With the title?

*crickets chirp*

Hey, it's hard to come up with catchy titles involving the word 'kind.' Let me know if you have a better idea (or a better pun).

So what does it mean to love other through kindness? Well in the past* this has meant me bending over backwards to 'love' others and, at the extreme end, endangering my own mental and emotional health because I'd decided to take everyone else's problems on my shoulders and am being crushed under the weight of a self-imposed obligation.

This not love. This is pride. This is my pride, cleverly hiding behind perfectionism which in turn is lurking behind a self-righteous mask of love. One day, after church, this really hit home. I had a standing obligation with a friend to give her a lift to church. That weekend I also contacted a different friend and invited her to church. She was happy to come (yay! Christian brownie points) but required a lift. Without hesitation I said 'Sure!' and merrily took on this obligation.

Now our car can only fit our family and one other. But I'd invited two friends. Do the math. Unfortunately I don't drive (yeah, it's pretty bad in a country that's not exactly pro public transport) so it would be up to my parents whether they were willing to drive uphill and downdale to get everyone to church. Understandably, they decided against such a plan. What ensued was my pride and perfectionism taking over, under that clever mask of love and kindness, to get both my friends to church.

Why didn't I just listen to dad when he said, "You can only have one." Oh no, that will not do at all! Cried she. I must have both my friends there because I've invited them both and I can't say no now and they need me and they need to be there and I have to love them and, and, and... You get the picture.

I did, however, manage to get both of them to church by arranging a separate lift for the other friend. But this experience had been so draining on me, because of the self-imposed obligation to be 'kind' and 'love' them, that I wasn't even there for them, mentally. I was so stressed and distracted I couldn't really focus on what either of them were saying or how they were really feeling. To top it off I also had to attend a meeting that week after the service, so I had a to rush out with my family and my friend to drop her home and then come back for the meeting. In the meantime my other friend had been taken home and I now had to try and concentrate on the youth leader's meeting.

So it wasn't a great afternoon. As I reflected on the day I felt convicted by God that this had been an issue of pride. God showed me that I had been more concerned about appearing like a good friend rather than actually being one and genuinely loving them. Now that's not to say I'm heartless and don't love my friends, because I truly do and I'm not beating myself up, but I was motivated by my pride, and not godly love i.e. love is kind.

As the author of this website explains, loving others by being kind doesn't mean giving people everything they want and bending over backwards to please everyone. So these days I don't impulsively say 'Sure!' to something before checking what else I have on that day. When the anxious perfectionist voices start ('You have to see them, they're your friend. Aren't you a good friend?') I call their bluff and let them sit in my head and grumble away. I don't have to listen to them, I don't answer to them. Instead I take my thoughts captive to Christ and look to the Lord for the reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

If you ever struggle with worries and thoughts that can become overpowering I recommend this blogpost as well by Eva Bridges (on my computer I have to scroll down for a bit before I actually see the post). I found it encouraging to read that other Christians struggle in this regard and how they can choose to listen to the lies or take the thoughts captive.

Read it here: http://69.195.124.224/~desertn0/take-every-thought-captive/


*She says while acknowledging that this issue is still somewhat part of the present.