Adventures in Adulthood

The Tale of the Never-ending Dishes

I've learnt a lot about being an adult in these past few months, probably more than I'd like to to be perfectly honest.

Tinkerbell, we can be kids forever right? Right??

In my numerous house-sitting adventures (well.. two) I have learnt to appreciate just how much work goes into managing a house, and this is just with one person! *shudders at the thought of mess multiplied by children.*

Question: Do dishes secretly breed when you're not looking? Next time I'm going to conduct an experiment to test this hypothesis.

But seriously though, how do you do it? I saw house-sitting as one big holiday, with heaps of free time and getting to do whatever I want... NOPE! I mean, it was a lot of fun and I did have a fair bit of free time. But in between cleaning, gardening and pet care my best friends were Mrs Couch and Miss Bed.

My parents laughed at me, oh how they laughed. But on a more serious note I was able to tell them how much I appreciate everything they do for me, often without me realising. Apparently laundry doesn't just magically appear folded in your bedroom, who knew? (In my defence I do do my own laundry. . . sometimes).

Cleaning jokes aside, I also realised just how much I rely on my family for emotional support. I am blessed to be part of a very close family. I didn't realise this until friends came round when I was younger and they'd be shocked to find out that we actually, you know, interacted with one another beyond, "what's for dinner?" I guess a lot of families do have some kind of "family time" but perhaps it's a bit more habitual and integrated into my family's everyday living. I'm not sure but I am grateful.

In all of this I could see how God has provided for me throughout my life, and continues to do so. Sometimes it was little things, like emails from my mum inviting me to family events while I was away. At other times He reached out to me when I was "in the miry clay" (Psalm 40: 2) and, foolishly, not seeking the shelter of His wings to keep me safe (Psalm 91: 4).

I remember one evening I'd had a particularly upsetting phone call  (see: other adulthood adventures in the merry land of dating) and was well and truly in the pit. I sought comfort in earthly things: a hot cup of tea and Netflix (see: hot chocolate vs the love of God). As I wallowed in self-pity and emotional pain one of the kittens I was taking care of came bounding up, jumped under my arm WHICH WAS CURRENTLY HOLDING A BOILING CUP OF TEA and landed neatly in my lap (phew!), complete with her favourite toy.

Usually she'd scamper away again to play with her brother but she curled up, purring all the while, and fell asleep in my lap. This nearly bought a fresh wave of tears as I knew just how much God loved me. He was there, holding my hand, occasionally dragging me kicking and screaming, but loving me through and through.

So, dear reader, adulthood is mildly terrifying but I am well and truly thankful that in God's eyes I am still a little sheep, bleating madly and in need of a Shepherd. He has provided us with earthly shepherds too, whether that is a parent, friend, pastor or whoever that person is in your life who is helping you to navigate the Adventures in Adulthood.

If you look closely you can spot her toy :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Image credits:
(1) Image by Kristina-Henderson via Deviant Art. Used under CC licence.
(2) Image by Mysid via Wiki Commons. Public domain.
(3) Image by MB, featuring Evie and Jackson.
(4) Image by MB, featuring Abby.

God first, then chocolate

Hello internet friends! I apologise for my lengthy absence. It has been a very busy semester but I am back (for the moment) so yay!

Hands up if you love chocolate? If you don't (madness!) I imagine there are other indulgences in your life, be it Netflix, coffee, gardening or particularly scrumptious crumpets with butter and jam (I could really go for some of those right now).



And it's not bad to enjoy these things!

But we must acknowledge that they do not solve the problem. Yes, despite what the television tells you chocolate will not make everything better. Nor will delicious crumpets (*sigh*).



It's not even necessarily bad to have these things when you're feeling bad. My dad's go to "cheer-up-crying-daughter" solution is hot chocolate. But lately he started praying for me first and then administering the delicious brew.

His reasoning was this: Yes, hot chocolate cheers you up but what you really want is not the actual beverage but the feeling of love and care when I make it for you. That's fine but what you really need is God's love. So I'm still going to make you hot chocolate but I want to pray for you first.

An interesting effect of this is that I have since stopped wanting hot chocolate as much. I still enjoy it and get all the warm fuzzies when someone makes it for me but I don't crave it in the same way.

To me this indicates that dad was right and what I was really craving was the love of God.

It is not unusual for me to turn to food or other sources of comfort when I am sad or stressed. But before long I will find that it does not satisfy and the negative feeling is not displaced. This is especially true when I am feeling particularly depressed and having a bad mental health day. I will drain people dry trying to fill up the emptiness and hurt inside but it never works.

I thought this was a beautiful quote from Nick Vujicic.

Lately I have been disciplining myself to turn to God first, and then chocolate. Within reason it's okay to have the chocolate:

"All things are lawful but not everything is profitable."

Corinthians 10: 23a

But chocolate will not solve my problems, it will not love me and it certainly will not save me. So, let us turn to the one who gives us rest for our souls (Matthew 11: 29) before we take another bite of that Hershey bar.

I was inspired, in part, by this great post by Eva Bridges who is a Christian missionary in Israel. I've referred to this post before, and it continues to have an impact on me! I encourage you to give it a read.

God bless and have a wonderful week.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Photo credit:
(1) Image by condesign. Public domain.
(2) Image by Church Iglesia. Used under CC license.
(3) Image by jubileelewis. Used under CC license.

Hey you, don't give up!

So it's that time of the week again where I share some thoughts and seek to love those around me.

<insert cheer here>

It's also that time of the week where I think I'd like to be a craft blogger and write about all the nifty little things I make, or a book review blog and share my reflections on whatever I'm currently reading.

So fabulous.

But that's not why I started this blog. 

I started this blog on a self-admitted whim but with a genuine heart desire to reach out to people and to demonstrate Christ's love. 

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13: 35)

In a short period of time I have been able to connect with people with that same desire. I have admired their way with words and been inspired by their commitment to Christ. There are so many wonderful bloggers and writers (I draw a distinction and place myself in the former category) out there, all with a voice and something to say.

As a small-time indie blogger, who only started a few months ago, it's tempting to feel insignificant and unimportant. But I don't. I refuse to give into that temptation and allow those lies to gain any ground.

We face those kind of temptations on a daily basis. It is with much fervor that I pray the Lord's Prayer, especially these lines: "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one." Oh Lord, deliver us!

There is so much evil in the world, so much injustice.

But before my mind gets into its depressing rut of "so let's all just pack it in and go home then" I want to say, with utmost certainty and conviction, that there is hope. 

Today at church we read Luke 18: 1-8 in which Jesus teaches us to pray for justice, like the widow pleading her case before the judge, and to persevere in this. Our judge is not the apathetic and godless man presented in the parable but a loving, merciful, perfect Father who cares for His children.

Similarly, in last week's sermon, we looked at God's love in Luke 11: 1-11. To understand the Lord's provision and love for His children we can observe the love earthly parents have for their children, and then times that by infinity!!

Explanation of this meme (because I know a lot of you probably won't get it [and that's ok!]).

The Lord hears our cries for deliverance, for justice and in His love and mercy. He will answer. 

How do you persevere in prayer? What helps you to keep going instead of giving up? 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Photo credit: 

1. Image by Mike Licht. Used under CC license.
2. Image by Mike Licht. Used under CC license.
3. Image by Adam Dachis. Used under CC license.

God's Stubborn Love

The last few weeks I have been doing my utmost to avoid God, which is a neat trick when you run a faith blog. I also manage to attend church and Bible study, and do my daily Bible reading. I'm going through all the motions without actually connecting.

Because that's what it's about: connection. It's a relationship and not just my "ring and run" prayers and hastily read Psalms. 

But despite all my efforts to hide God still manages to find a way to reach me. Honestly, it's almost as if He actually wants a relationship with me... 

I'll share a few examples with you (for there are many). Psalm 136 was part of my Bible reading a few days ago:

1 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the God of gods

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the Lord of Lords:
His love endures for ever

That's just verse one to three but you may notice a pattern in its construction. By about verse nine or so the words were practically leaping off the page and shouting in my face: HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER. ARE YOU LISTENING YET?

*claps hands over ears* la, la, la, can't hear you! For I am a foolish mortal. 

Another example occurred during church. Putting aside the sermon on our father-child relationship with God (oh it was a doozy. The words were yelling in my face again), there was one particular song that threatened to knock me sideways.

The gentleman who led us in Communion (he has a wonderfully esoteric blog, Like Trees. Like Spears) shared with us from the book of Hosea. Hosea, a prophet in Israel, is commanded by God to marry a prostitute. God commands Hosea to do this in order to symbolise His relationship with the nation of Israel. It was in this context that we listened to Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. 

She'll lie and steal, and cheat, and beg you from her knees,

Make you think she means it this time

She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair

But I still love her, I don't really care

His love endures forever

I don't believe it is a Christian song but nevertheless Stubborn Love goes some of the way in portraying God's love for us foolish mortals. Do yourself a favour and don't hide from God. He always finds you anyway :) 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Photo credit: 

1. Image by Art4TheGlryOfGod. Used under CC license. 

An appeal on behalf of a friend

Yes I'm about to ask for money. 

Ok now that's out of the way allow me to outline the situation for you. My friend, Eva, has recently encountered a fairly significant snag in funding for her studies at university.

As an Australian citizen we are entitled to government "loans" (it's not really a loan, exactly, anyway that's not important right now) to pay for our university studies. My friend is, however, a Permanent Resident. Her university, Notre Dame (note: prounced Not-ra Dame if you're an Aussie and not Not-er Daym ["said in exaggerated American accent"]) was kind enough to waive her fees, due to her family and living situation, until she was able to become a citizen.

Next Eva, beautiful girl that she is, went on a mission trip to help victims of typhoon Yolonda in the Philippines. What she didn't realise is that one needs to renew Permanent Residency status every four years should one desire to travel overseas.

The result is her citizenship application being pushed back until a later date and Notre Dame requiring that she now pays her fees upfront...To the tune of $5000. Ouch. To top it off she only found out now, two months before semester starts. As a recently married woman $5000 is a little hard to come by.

Eva is a woman of great faith and believes that God is calling her to use her studies for the furthering of His kingdom. I support her in this and that is why I am asking you to consider making a donation.

You can view her Go Fund Me page here: www.gofundme.com/w8bb6g

Thank you for your time. You may now resume your day ;)

Need motivation to give? Just see Matthew 25: 35-40.
(Image by contemplative imaging under CC license)

God is Love

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

If you remember, way back at the dawn of time (so March), I started this little series into the ever famous 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. I've decided to finish up with verse seven rather than eight as the context of spritiual gifts versus love is probably another series in itself. 

So, here we are. The final installation of "serious bloggers have labels and blog series" (self-deprecating humour is my speciality).

Love always protects

I can say with absolute certainty that I do not always protect. According to this Pastor's blog post "protect" is more closely translated from the Greek as "bearing," meaning that it bears up under difficulty, and doesn't run away at the first sign of trouble.

I like to think of myself as a pretty loving person but there are days when I am tired and worn out and switch my phone off, log off Facebook and because I cannot bear helping another friend out. 

I found this photo when searching "introvert." I found it appropriate.
Nguyen Hung Vu under CC license

And that's ok. For my fellow introverts we need some people-free time otherwise terrible things happen (like, we get cranky). It's not ideal and certainly not a perfect picture of love but I do know that I can love others better when I'm feeling ok within myself.

Love always trust

This means putting our faith in relationships, in other people and loving them unconditionally. Yeah that's not me either. I'm great at loving people I like but loving my enemies? C'mon Jesus, let's be serious... (Spoilers: He's totally serious).

Sandro Kharazashvili
via WikiMedia Common
under CC license

Love always hopes

To love is to hope, to have faith in seemingly impossible
situations...And with seemingly impossible people. When people close to you are struggling sometimes they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes we need to point them in the right direction, but that doesn't mean they're going to listen. They might want to sit in their dark tunnel for a while (see last week's post). This is difficult, we may become discouraged and start to lose hope too.

Love always perseveres

Similar to the situation above love calls us to persevere in difficult times. To persevere, to endure in faith and in hope. We bear all (protect), love unconditionally (trust), hold to our faith (hope) and we just keep going, keep slogging through and soldiering on (persevere).

That Pastor's post I mentioned earlier describes love as "tenancious" and I think that's a great way to sum up this verse: don't give up, don't give in. And how can I possibly do this? Because Jesus didn't up on me. No matter how many foolish things I do, how much I push and argue and run away He is always there. 

Corrie Ten Boom Flickr under CC license

"I am worn out from my groaning..."

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

The last week has been difficult for me. I've had some really tough days and been very low. When you've been going well for a while it's a bit of shock to the system to suddenly be in "that place" again.

shattered.art66 under CC license

It's easy to beat yourself up and just heap more blame and negative thinking onto yourself. You get angry, you lash out at those around you. You cry. Or don't. Sometime the feelings choke you and the heaviness just sits there, with very little release through tears. Things are thrown, doors are slammed and you start to wonder how you ever deluded yourself that things were getting better.

I doubt anyone who reads the above is going to think I'm "delighting in evil." I wrote a post on my personal Facebook page about the celebration of death following the executions in Indonesia. That is a better example of taking delight in evil.

However I think we can develop a certain "addiction" to suffering. This is a generalised statement and should not to be twisted to blame others for their suffering. Have a read of the book of Job one time and you'll see how God feels about that (spoilers: it's not viewed kindly).

But we can almost enjoy dwelling in our suffering. In my post about idolatry I talked about how we typically get something out of the idol, hence why we continue to be loyal to something/one that is harmful.

Recovery is not a straightforward process and it's not uncommon to go through a continuous, near-maddening process of two steps forward, one step back.

But where does that step back lead?

To evil.

To the lies.

To the hurt and the pain part of us longs to cling to.

And the alternative?

The truth. Jesus. Love. Grace. Forgiveness.

But to get there we need to surrender and submit ourselves to God. And all of a sudden the lie so much sweeter, so much easier. But, and please trust me on this one, it is far better to submit yourself to God.

In situations of distress and temptation for Christians other believers often quote James 4: 7: "resist the devil and he will flee from you." This is truth we can rejoice in, "take heart! For I have overcome the world." (John 16: 33)

But sometimes we forget, or omit, the first part of that verse: "Submit yourself to God."

Adapted from original by Martin LaBar under CC license

So, this becomes a three step event:
1. Submit yourself to God
2. Resist the Devil
3. And he will flee from you

And as I have written on a note beside my bed:
1. Submit
2. Resist
----> Flee

My lesson for this week? Pain can be addictive. Like any 'drug' it is evil but we take a sort of twisted delight in it. But love says to rejoice in the truth. And the truth is is that I am loved, I am forgiven, and that Jesus is greater than my heart, than my feelings. And I can stay here in the mirey clay, in "that place" and He will still love me. Praise God.

Forgiveness in light of Indonesian executions

Love keeps no record of wrongs

For my Australian readers I don't have to say much more beyond "Andrew Chan" and you probably know where I'm heading with this. For those of you who have not had their newsfeeds inundated with updates on the Bali 9 I will explain briefly.

In 2005 Andrew Chan and Myurman Sukumaran were arrested in Indonesia as the ringleaders of a drug smuggling ring, dubbed the Bali 9. They and six others were were executed by firing squad earlier this week.

Responses have been mixed. Some fought tooth and nail to get clemency while others begged Indonesian officials to hurry up and shoot then already. And there were Christians and non-Christians on both sides. Considering both Chan and Sukumaran had come to Christ during their imprisonment the lack of compassion among some Christians was especially sad.

So what? Who cares, they're drug smugglers!

And the thief on the cross was no saint either but Jesus promised to see him in paradise. 

The reality of this world is that people are going to stuff up, they're going to hurt you and you're going to want to hurt them back. Then Jesus comes along and tells us he loves us anyway.

Leeland Francisco under CC license 

He doesn't care what you've done. His victory on the cross wiped away your sins and by the riches of God's glorious grace we are forgiven and free. Chan and Sukumaran came to realise this. As they stood waiting to be executed Chan led the men in singing Amazing Grace.

The author of Amazing Grace was a slave trader and a rapist. He came to know the truth about God's grace and love. However he still struggled with temptation, forcing himself on women and indulging his flesh. But God loved Him anyway. That's not to say we get off scott free and can do whatever feel like. That would be throwing God's gift of grace back in His face. That can only end badly. 

Andrew Chan and Myuraman Sukumaran did not get off scott free. They spent 10 years in prsion, were hated and scorned by their fellow citizens and I imagine they thought less than loving thoughts against their jailers at times. 

But they stood in God's grace, offered freely through His Son, in His love that keeps no record of wrongs. And if we are to love like Jesus loved we must to the same. 

"A new command I give to you: love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 

(John 13: 34-35)

Pet peeves

Love is not easily angered

As I'm sitting here thinking about what angers me I've noticed something: I keep drawing a line between 'angry' and 'annoyed.'

Thought One: "Hmm people being rude makes me annoyed."

Thought Two: "Yeah but that's not really being 'easily angered' so that's ok."

Is it?

Is it ok to get annoyed and think unkind, judgemental thoughts about someone because they did something you didn't like?

One scenario that particularly bothers me is when people are trying to get off the train and the people waiting on the platform don't wait and push ahead. That really ticks me off. I get all indignant even when I'm the one waiting on the platform and not even remotely affected by it. 

I think it strikes of rudeness, impatience and a lack of consideration for other's needs. 

So I silently fume about it, grumbling away in my head and judging their actions. It easily to let this build up until I'm positively cross about it. 

Notice in none of the above did I use the word "angry." 

But I am angry.

And this kind of thing easily angers me. I go from happy and carefree to downright ticked off at someone else's largely harmless mistake. I say 'mistake' because there have been several times where I thought it was okay to get on the train and it turned out there were still several people trying to get out. Whoops. I made a mistake, it happens. 

Yes there are probably people who do it deliberately because they're impatient or don't care. But silently (or even audibly) judging them isn't going to change anything. But forgiveness will. Forgiveness brings peace to your heart and frees you from judgement. 

So, to the two ladies who rushed in as I was trying to exit the train this afternoon... I forgive you. 

If MLK could forgive I'm pretty sure I can let those two women slide. This time. ;)
BK on Flickr (under CC license)

Love is not self-seeking

I want to put this post in the context of a social media campaign I'm supporting: This year's "Fashion Revolution."

For more information please see fashionrevolution.org 

How many of you remember the Rana Plaza factory collapse in 2013? It was only two years and resulted in the deaths of over 1000 people but like so many of today's disasters, it seemed so distant and removed from my existence and I struggled to remember what on earth this website was going on about.

Due to this disaster and problems across the board in the fashion industry, Fashion Revolution is encouraging social media users to ask fashion labels "Who made my clothes?" The idea is to upload a photo of yourself, with your clothes inside out, to social media and tag the designers asking them the question. 

Now I want to make a very important point here: This isn't a guilt trip. I have absolutely no interest in guilting you or riding about on my fabulous steed called Self-Righteousness (self-righteousness, self-seeking, ahhh it's all coming together). Rather, it all comes back to that Corinthians passage.

As Got Questions so eloquently put it, the opposite of self-seeking is God seeking. To fight against out natural self-centredness we are instructed to first love our God and secondly to love our neighbour as we love ourselves.

Supporting ethical fashion is the loving choice and this a small way I can contribute.

I used to groan at the mention of ethical fashion thinking, "Not this again!" However a couple from church recently shared this article by Leah Wise. With love and gentless Leah Wise shares her experience and why, as a Christian, she believes in ethical fashion. This is what won me over : the love. For once it wasn't someone riding their fabulous steed Self-Righteousness...

For the Star Wars fans.
Source: www.flickr.com/photos/ofernandezberrios/
License: creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode

Her pragmatism was also greatly appreciate as ethical fashion is expensive!! To shift to ethical shopping involves a change in mindset. We live in a highly comsumer driven world where more is better. Fast fashion is cheap for a reason: someone else pays.

It's a tough situation and I really enocurage you to check out her article and blog, Style Wise, to see her tips and tricks for ethical shopping.

By choosing to support brands that ensure safe and fair working conditions we are loving others. Self-seeking says, "those shoes are really cute and sooo much cheaper than those sandals from <insert ethical brand here. Let's get 'em." Love says, "Those shoes are really cute and sooo much cheaper than those sandals from <blah>. But they're cheap for a reason. And someone's life, no matter how cute these cheap shoes are, is worth far, far more than this." 

In reality I spend MUCH longer agonising over extra expense versus the cheapness factor. Really it's my "needs" versus someone else needs (you know, a fair wage, food, housing.. Those sort of things) However God's voice whispers quietly: Love is not self-seeking.

Stay tuned for an amusing image of me with my clothes inside out on #FashRev. And if you choose to participate I'd love to see the photos! 

Stop! Wait a minute...

The next lyric according to my Christian friends is, "fill my cup, put some Jesus in it." Not sure if it will catch on.

Mess? What mess? It's artistic expression. 

I chose the title because of my fabulous red tights featured (red = stop, get it? ;D ) and because it relates quite closely to today's topic:

Love does not dishonour others

So what does this mean? In simple terms it means not being rude. But that's a little too vague for me so let's expand with some examples (sounds like I'm teaching you how to write an english essay).

When we get in a disagreement with someone, which is bound to happen every now and again, how many times do we let our mouth run away with us and say something we regret? (Guilty...) It's important to be patient and respectful when talking with others and to honour them. Paul puts it like this:

"Let each esteem each other better than themselves." (Philippians 2: 3)

This verse can be used in a number of contexts, particularly in loving others by putting their needs first. But it's the relationship between esteeming and honouring others that prompted my use of it. When we honour someone we show them respect. It doesn't mean we grovel at their feet or suck up to them but we choose to submit to them out of a healthy sense of respect. To esteem someone is to put them in high regard, to think well of them because you respect them, because you honour them.

Love honours others because when we love someone we respect them. Respecting them means listening when they're talking, accepting that they may have a different perspective and not belittling (being rude) them for it. This doesn't mean we have to agree with everything they say and blindly say "yes m'am, no m'am." In fact I think this dishonours them because it questions the integrity and potential worth of what they're saying. It's ok to disagree, to dissect each other's arguments and calmly and lovingly break down complicated issues. But remember to honour them because this is what it means to love one another.

Next time you find yourself in a debate or disagreement remember the red tights and "Stop! Wait a minute..." before blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

Pride

Love is not proud

I've been avoiding this post. It's a topic I don't particularly enjoying talking about, despite the fact that I've referred to pride countless times in other posts. Somehow confronting it head on is a bit too difficult.

Reading Timothy Keller's book Counterfeit Gods I found myself immediately going on the defensive. If you haven't read the book (I recommend it) Keller discusses the subject of idolatry in a Christian context. He explains that when the Bible talks about idolatry it isn't just referring to the physical worship of idols, rather it is a matter of the heart. Essentially anything that replaces God in someone's heart, yes even a Christian, is an idol.

Our God is a jealoous God and He doesn't want to share us with other 'gods.' He wants us to trust Him completely and not turn to other things for our salvation, our deliverance, our sense of worth... He gives us all these things and more. But sometimes we deceive ourselves, or are deceived by others, and no longer trust God completely. We hide part of ourselves away and build our own little kingdoms where we are in control (supposedly). Satan loves that. He'll tempts us with false promises: "This is what you want, this is what you've been looking for all this time." And so we separate ourselves from God to get 'it,' whatever 'it' is. 

But we don't get it. Not really. It's all a lie. 

In discussing this with a close friend of mine I related my concerns about whether I had separated part of myself from God, set up my own little kingdom in my heart. Note this was a few years after reading Keller's book and largely dismissing any concerns because, quite frankly, I didn't want to think about it. My friend reflected on what I had said and then asked a very good question:

"What do you think you're getting out of it? The idol?"

Her point is that idols 'work', in the sense that we continue to hold to them and trust them, because we believe that we can get that 'it' out of them: success, power, sex, love, whatever. Satan will use this false belief to tempt us into continuing to trust the idol. We believe that we are in control and ultimately going to receive 'it.' But this is a lie. Albeit a very clever, very pervasive lie. Never forget that Satan is referred to as the "father of lies" for good reason.

So, what does all this have to do with pride? Better yet what on earth does it have to do with love not being proud? 

God's love and our pride don't mix. We don't deserve His love and His grace, given to us freely in love, leaves no room for pride (see my post on "love does not boast"). However pride and idolatry go very well together. Certainly in my case I was more than happy to say "I know better, God" (Pride Alert!) and go chasing after 'it' and away from God's love. 

While God is telling me that He loves me and that He can heal all the hurt, my pride says, "No, you're wrong." And this double mindedness, simulatenously believing in God's love in an abstract sense but refusing it in my life, allows sin to creep in. I separate part of myself, my heart, from God and set up my own little kingdom, my own heart-idol where I believe I can receive all the things I seek. I foolishly believe, in my pride, that God cannot give me these things. 

So, dear readers, this is what idolatry has to do with pride and love. 

God revealed these things to me over time (I suspect my pride may have slowed things down), eventually bringing me to a place where I was left with little choice but to confront it head on. I chose (thankfully) to submit myself to God and repent. This came in stages. Working out our salvation doesn't happen overnight. But I believe that I am now on the right path. I still have a choice, to trust God or to turn away. That choice isn't always easy but now I have that freedom of choice. Without the revelation of God I was unconscious of many of the things that were going on in my heart (and when God started to show me it was "easier" to ignore Him) and didn't really have a choice. I had surrendered part of my will to this heart-idol. 

This is a dangerous place to be. You only have to do a quick Google search on idolatry to see how incredibly serious it is. But take heart, God is greater than all things.

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

I couldn't decide between the awesome Hebrews verse and this fantastic promise. So I chose both! :D
Source: Sapphire Dream Photography www.flickr.com/photos/worshipbackgrounds/
Licence: creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/legalcode

I am so great, I am so great na na na na na...

Love does not boast

Try to imagine me singing that in a high-pitched annoying voice. Think, 'younger sibling besting you at cards.' And yes he often beats me at cards.

So beyond my inspiring and insightful title this post stumped me. I read up on boasting in my Bible, did a bit of research and in the end this is what I came up with but feel free to disagree, you know, lovingly ;) 

If one boasts, one implies that one is superior to others. And that's not particularly loving, to make someone feel inferior. It can be done in a cheery, light-hearted manner (think mischievous rather than malicious), as per the title. But I doubt that's what Paul's trying to communicate to the Corinthians. 

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Galations 6:14) 

What does this mean? I'm still puzzling it out but my sense is that just as we are saved by faith, and not by works ("so that no one can boast"), I believe "love does not boast" is the same as saying "love is humble." Writing this I feel like that's super obvious and you're wondering when I'm going to get to the point (never! Mwahaha! Wait, is that loving or...?). Grace gives us no room to boast. It's handed to us by God on a cross-shaped platter (did you understand the imagery? DID YOU?!). We don't even have to reach for it, God pretty much puts it in our hand. And thus we return to the age old battle between perfectionism and grace...

Spoilers: grace wins every time.

It's like part of me wants to work hard and reach for some (unattainable) goal or target just so I can say, "Ha! I did it! Me!" (I am the best, I am the best na na na na...). Sounds a bit like boasting huh? So, then, what does its loving counterpart sound like?

I'm actually not sure what it 'sounds' like but I know what it looks like. It's me, finally giving in, at some odd hour of the morning, lying flat on my face before God and saying 'help.' It's laying down my pride, my desire for perfection, and opening myself up to our loving heavenly Father. It is not hiding behind tears and false humilty, or beating myself down. It's submission, no matter how loud that rebellious voice howls. It's everything I'm not but everything that grace allows me to be. I know at heart I'm a rebel but I also know that God loves me anyway. 

In this interpretation, the loving part is not letting boasting interfere with our relationship with God. When I am proud, when I hide part of myself from God, the part that desires to boast in my own abilities, I hurt God. 

Wait? You do what now? 

I hurt God.

Nah, still not getting it.

Yes I don't fully understand it either (for further reading I recommend Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge). However, I am learning, as I grow closer to God, that He wants me to love Him and it hurts Him when I push Him away. For an imperfect comparison, think about how much it hurts when someone you care about distances you emotionally when they're upset. God cares about us and wants to build a relationship with us. Yeah, I'm still struggling to wrap my head around it and I doubt we'll be able to fully appreciate it before this world ends and the New Earth begins. 

P.S. I hope you don't mind my sense of humour and rambling in this post. It's worse when I'm tired!  

The green-eyed monster is sneaky

Love does not envy

This post has been perculating in my mind for a few days. Intially I, somewhat misguidedly, thought that envy wasn't really an issue for me. But the green-eyed monster isn't always obvious. A grumble here, a pang of jealously there and hey presto! You've got yourself a dose of envy.

I realised that a key issue for me at the moment is feeling envious of people who seem to have it all figured out. They're the people who have the next five years of their life planned out, the money and resources to achieve their goals and a heck of a lot of confidence. Meanwhile there's lil' ol' me who decided to major in French and law (nb. Not 'real' law, just an undergraduate course my uni offers) for some unknown reaon and is generally taking things one day at a time and trying not to think too hard about the next few years.

Probably the biggest thing I find myself coveting is the sense of confidence and assurance these people seem to possess. They really do seem to have it all figured out and I don't know how they do it. That little jealous thought of, "Wow, look at them...I wish I was like that. I don't know what I'm doing," seems harmless enough but Paul is pretty clear in his description of love: it does not envy. Not, 'only be envious in these set circumstances' or, 'you really shouldn't but if you have to I guess that's ok.' No, it's black and white: love does not envy.

Therein lies the problem, because I do get envious. So, what can I (we) do about this? Well these little grumblings can become quite habitual and almost ingrained in our thinking. I've found the most useful thing to do, to replace these particularly persistent thoughts, is to respond to them with the truth.

Why is that underlined? I'm glad you asked! It's not just for stylistic flair. If you remember this post, I quoted Jesus saying that he is "the way, the truth and the life." So that's my clever little way of tying the two posts together and reminding you to turn to Jesus for the truth.

I read up a bit on purpose in my Bible because underlying that envy is a sense that I have no purpose, no direction, but 'everyone else' does. However, that's a big, fat lie. I found the passage below quite encouraing:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predetined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." (Romans 8: 28-30)

It may not be the most obvious choice for a passage about purpose (Jeremiah 29:11 springs to mind) but it stuck in my mind. You may have differents passages that you find particularly helpful (if you're keen to share I'd love to hear it in the comments below!).

What I liked about this passage is that God called me, out of all the billions of people in the world, according to his purpose. So God was purposeful in choosing me, it wasn't just 'luck of the draw.' He also "foreknew" and "predestined" this for my life, wanting me to be "conformed to the image of his Son." That in itself gives each and every Christian a purpose: to be conformed in the image of Jesus. So no matter what I end up doing after I finish at uni I will always have a purpose, according to God's plan and intention. That sure makes my envy look foolish. 

One of a kind

Love is kind

See what I did there?  With the title?

*crickets chirp*

Hey, it's hard to come up with catchy titles involving the word 'kind.' Let me know if you have a better idea (or a better pun).

So what does it mean to love other through kindness? Well in the past* this has meant me bending over backwards to 'love' others and, at the extreme end, endangering my own mental and emotional health because I'd decided to take everyone else's problems on my shoulders and am being crushed under the weight of a self-imposed obligation.

This not love. This is pride. This is my pride, cleverly hiding behind perfectionism which in turn is lurking behind a self-righteous mask of love. One day, after church, this really hit home. I had a standing obligation with a friend to give her a lift to church. That weekend I also contacted a different friend and invited her to church. She was happy to come (yay! Christian brownie points) but required a lift. Without hesitation I said 'Sure!' and merrily took on this obligation.

Now our car can only fit our family and one other. But I'd invited two friends. Do the math. Unfortunately I don't drive (yeah, it's pretty bad in a country that's not exactly pro public transport) so it would be up to my parents whether they were willing to drive uphill and downdale to get everyone to church. Understandably, they decided against such a plan. What ensued was my pride and perfectionism taking over, under that clever mask of love and kindness, to get both my friends to church.

Why didn't I just listen to dad when he said, "You can only have one." Oh no, that will not do at all! Cried she. I must have both my friends there because I've invited them both and I can't say no now and they need me and they need to be there and I have to love them and, and, and... You get the picture.

I did, however, manage to get both of them to church by arranging a separate lift for the other friend. But this experience had been so draining on me, because of the self-imposed obligation to be 'kind' and 'love' them, that I wasn't even there for them, mentally. I was so stressed and distracted I couldn't really focus on what either of them were saying or how they were really feeling. To top it off I also had to attend a meeting that week after the service, so I had a to rush out with my family and my friend to drop her home and then come back for the meeting. In the meantime my other friend had been taken home and I now had to try and concentrate on the youth leader's meeting.

So it wasn't a great afternoon. As I reflected on the day I felt convicted by God that this had been an issue of pride. God showed me that I had been more concerned about appearing like a good friend rather than actually being one and genuinely loving them. Now that's not to say I'm heartless and don't love my friends, because I truly do and I'm not beating myself up, but I was motivated by my pride, and not godly love i.e. love is kind.

As the author of this website explains, loving others by being kind doesn't mean giving people everything they want and bending over backwards to please everyone. So these days I don't impulsively say 'Sure!' to something before checking what else I have on that day. When the anxious perfectionist voices start ('You have to see them, they're your friend. Aren't you a good friend?') I call their bluff and let them sit in my head and grumble away. I don't have to listen to them, I don't answer to them. Instead I take my thoughts captive to Christ and look to the Lord for the reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

If you ever struggle with worries and thoughts that can become overpowering I recommend this blogpost as well by Eva Bridges (on my computer I have to scroll down for a bit before I actually see the post). I found it encouraging to read that other Christians struggle in this regard and how they can choose to listen to the lies or take the thoughts captive.

Read it here: http://69.195.124.224/~desertn0/take-every-thought-captive/


*She says while acknowledging that this issue is still somewhat part of the present.

Running late?

Love is patient

It's not even half an hour into my day and I'm already getting impatient. If anything this just reinforces my need for grace because it seems impossible to express love through constant patience, particularly when I lose something. It doesn't matter if something super important or something relatively inconsequential. As soon as I can't find it the inconvenience drives me absolutely barmy and patience is the furthest thing from my mind. So, clearly losing things is something to bring before God in prayer. Is there something in particular for you that causes the same reaction? Or am I just way too obsessed with the inconvenience of losing something?

In terms of how it affects my ability to love others... Well all you have to do is try to help me find it and our relationship may be at risk. It's bad. Really bad. I don't know what it is but I do know that God will help us through anything if we submit ourselves before Him in prayer!

The other challenge for me today was running late this morning (my fault). At the start of this debacle it wasn't so much impatience as blind panic. I had an unusually long day yesterday and tiredness tends to make emotional difficulties more problematic than usual. 'Oh, I'm running a little late' can rapidly spiral into, 'I don't want to go into uni. I want to go home right now. I can't face anyone.' This hasn't really happened in recent months but as I said, tiredness tends to make me a little more vulnerable.

The strong temptation this morning was to hold onto these thoughts and feelings instead of turning away and going to the Father. Even when a behaviour is bad for us sometimes we like to hold onto them because they are familiar and we feel in control. This sense of control is, I believe, a trap that keeps us away from God. We prefer to lean on our own understanding rather than humbling ourselves before Him and trusting in His promise of a "peace that surpasses all understanding." 

This is a photo of one of the scriptures I regularly declare (in simple terms, 'say aloud'). I keep it near my desk as study's a big "worry" trigger for me.

So, how did this affect my ability to love others? Well on a human level it meant my wonderful father, who dropped me at the train station, received something close to reproach for (supposedly) making me go to uni instead of thankfulness, and distrust when he said I'd be ok (considering he prayed for me as well I had more than enough reason to trust him). On a spiritual level it led to me putting a 'block' between myself and our heavenly Father.

Once again I am reminded of my inability to be perfect. This is a challenging idea for me. Because I cannot meet God's standards He sent His Son for me. I don't have to do anything, nor can I do anything 'good enough' to justify my salvation. To a long-standing perfectionist this doesn't seem to make sense but it is the truth.

God can help me grow in patience but I'll never be perfect. I might have to tell myself that over and over again but I trust that as I grow in my faith in God's grace it will gradually become easier. We are told to "take captive every thought" and this means identifying a wrong thought (wrong as in it's a lie/against what God says) and submitting it to Jesus in prayer. Once again this means swallowing our pride and denying that 'wonderful' sense of control. But it's worth it.

"...the truth will set you free."

(John 8: 32)

Applying 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

In my previous post I cited the ever popular Corinthians passage on what it means to love someone:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

For the next few weeks or so I would like to systematically go through each of the characteristics of love and spend some time reflecting on them and how we can better implement these principles in our lives. I’m using myself as something of a guinea pig for this series (am I a serious enough blogger to have a series??) and I want to see how I actually go about loving people.

Some questions I would like to reflect on, and I’d love any of my readers to join me in this little project, are:

• Did I love by being (patient, kind, etc) today?
•  Some examples of when I did
•  And, because it’s quite likely this will happen, some examples where I didn’t 
• What made it difficult or challenging to love people in those circumstances? 
• Is there anything in particular that I’d like to bring before God? For example, did I find myself being patient in most circumstances except when I was running late and why did this cause me to stumble?

Now as I have blogged about perfectionism before I am so totally going to submit myself and this ‘series’ before God. I want to do this so I can share my experiences and hopefully encourage others.  I do not want it to become an episode of ‘MB trying to satisfy her pride by setting ridiculously, unattainable standards for herself.’ Because that’s never fun. Trust me.

Let us do this to glorify God, to decrease ourselves so that the Lord may increase. 

Loving the unloveable

I started writing this post. Then deleted it. Then started again on a different topic two or three times before finally, inexorably, coming back to my original post. I want to talk about loving people. I spouted some pretty hefty Christian ideals in my "Greetings" post, the primary one being loving and encouraging others. It all sounds so lovely, doesn't it? But it's hard. People aren't perfect and even the most basic of friendships can become difficult. So, how do you love people who aren't exactly easy to love?

I don't really have an answer to that question, I don't have '7 Easy Steps to Loving Everyone All the Time' and I don't think anyone else has figured it out. But I do know someone who did it perfectly: Jesus. Jesus came for the broken, the lost and the needy. He came for you and he came for me. Jesus loved the unloveable.

Throughout the New Testament we see countless examples of Jesus hanging out with the lowest of the low. He consorts with tax collectors (a big 'no-no' for Jews), prostitutes, the sick, demon-possessed and every low life around. And what did he do? Tell them to, "Begone, wretched sinner!" No, he loved them, healed them and set them free to love others in return. 

I'll be honest, a lot of the people Jesus spent time with would make me uncomfortable. I have a hard enough time loving those closest to me, let alone the rejected and forgotten. What makes it so hard? Are we really all that different? Not in God's eyes:

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3: 23)

And for those of us redeemed by grace there's certainly not some hierarchy of Christians! I am not more holy or righteous than any other Child of God: 

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3: 28)

So we're all in the same boat: needing Jesus to set us free and then attaining equality of status in the kingdom of God. However while this can help change our perspective it doesn't give an easy, quick-fix solution to loving the unloveable. Jesus had the advantage of being, well, the Son of God and free from sin. But we too are set free through Jesus' death and resurrection. That doesn't make us perfect, we're still going to stumble, still going to get angry at people and reach a point where loving them is the last thing on our minds (the nearest heavy object and assessing our throwing ability is more immediate)... But no matter how hard it gets remember that Jesus loved the unloveable and instructs his disciples to do the same: 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13: 34-35)

So what does this mean in practical terms? It means forgiving those who hurt us, being patient when people annoy us, being kind and including others who might otherwise get left on the sidelines. Consider the passage below:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

During a sermon at a church I used to attend the speaker suggested an exercise: put your name in the place of "love." Are you patient? Kind? Always? Probably not. But God is love, thus He is all of these things and as we draw closer to His Son we become more and more like this too. This is how we can love the unloveable, through the grace of Jesus Christ. 

"Love never fails" 

(1 Corinthians 13: 8)

"It's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety"

When you're hurting and the Rejection Monster comes to visit

You could take "anxiety" out of that title and put any number of things in its place: depression; kids; a partner; cancer. And it's true. I don't mind admitting that having never been diagnosed with anxiety I haven't the faintest clue what it's like to live day-to-day life. But those words still stung.

Have you ever used a phrase like that? I have, and when said gently and with kindness it's not necessarily the wrong thing to say. You see it's not the words themselves that stung. Rather it was the rejecting and controlling heart behind it.

Sometimes, when we're hurting, when we're vulnerable and been kicked to the curb our response to love is to lash out. It's something of a defensive mechanism, to control the situation and supposedly stop us from getting hurt but it's wrong, very wrong. I've done it countless times and have been blessed by some very patient and loving people in my life. And a loving Heavenly Father who "never leaves" or "forsakes" me, no matter how many times I tell Him to "go away." Yikes.

So, why is this response wrong? Well because it's often a result of listening to Satan and the lies he whispers in your ear, rather than to the Word of God. That may sound pretty extreme but let me put it into context for you.

Say you've had a rough day at uni or wok, nothing's gone right and you have a pile of work sky high. The guy you were seeing dumped you, your friends aren't answering their phones and nobody seems to care. If you're anything like me it's round about this time that Rejection enters from stage left.

"No one really loves you."

"No one cares."

"You're not worth it."

"Why do you even bother?"

By the time you get home to your family you're in a deep, dark pit of misery. Any attempts at comfort, or even healthy interaction (like, say, "How was your day?"), are met with such crushing rejection (<cue "it's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety" reference>) that it's a wonder they still let you live here.

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be going through stuff that in all honesty other people can't properly understand unless they've been there themselves. And you can tell them that (GENTLY!). But before you let the Rejection Monster take over and hurt those who love you just stop for a second and take a breath. Consider if your next action will do more harm than good. And remember that the person on the other side does love you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

We are accepted in the Beloved

(Ephesians 1: 6)