God's Stubborn Love

The last few weeks I have been doing my utmost to avoid God, which is a neat trick when you run a faith blog. I also manage to attend church and Bible study, and do my daily Bible reading. I'm going through all the motions without actually connecting.

Because that's what it's about: connection. It's a relationship and not just my "ring and run" prayers and hastily read Psalms. 

But despite all my efforts to hide God still manages to find a way to reach me. Honestly, it's almost as if He actually wants a relationship with me... 

I'll share a few examples with you (for there are many). Psalm 136 was part of my Bible reading a few days ago:

1 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the God of gods

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the Lord of Lords:
His love endures for ever

That's just verse one to three but you may notice a pattern in its construction. By about verse nine or so the words were practically leaping off the page and shouting in my face: HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER. ARE YOU LISTENING YET?

*claps hands over ears* la, la, la, can't hear you! For I am a foolish mortal. 

Another example occurred during church. Putting aside the sermon on our father-child relationship with God (oh it was a doozy. The words were yelling in my face again), there was one particular song that threatened to knock me sideways.

The gentleman who led us in Communion (he has a wonderfully esoteric blog, Like Trees. Like Spears) shared with us from the book of Hosea. Hosea, a prophet in Israel, is commanded by God to marry a prostitute. God commands Hosea to do this in order to symbolise His relationship with the nation of Israel. It was in this context that we listened to Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. 

She'll lie and steal, and cheat, and beg you from her knees,

Make you think she means it this time

She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair

But I still love her, I don't really care

His love endures forever

I don't believe it is a Christian song but nevertheless Stubborn Love goes some of the way in portraying God's love for us foolish mortals. Do yourself a favour and don't hide from God. He always finds you anyway :) 

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Photo credit: 

1. Image by Art4TheGlryOfGod. Used under CC license. 

Josh Duggar and forgiveness

Far, far away in the mystical land of Oz more than a few articles have been circulating about Josh Duggar and his family. I expect US news channels have been talking about little else. Part of me wants to stick my head in the sand and wait until it all blows over but I've been sufficiently irked that I feel the need to write this post.

Firstly, I do not speak as a victim of sexual abuse. For that kind of insight I recommend Joshua Roger's post. 

Secondly, I do believe that God can forgive all sin by "the riches of grace" and the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1: 7). And I expect we're all on the same page that Joshua Duggar did commit sin.

Forgiveness is found in Jesus.
Image by geralt under CC license

Thirdly, I do not agree with Christians saying that "he should be executed!!!" and baying for his blood. I do not believe in the death penalty (see my post on the Bali 9) and I think we, as Christ's followers, can do better than this. Ask God about it sometime:

"It is mine to avenge; I will repay." (Deuteronomy 32: 35a)

Some writers, such as this Geeks Under Grace post, go as far as to celebrate the testament of Josh Duggar's life as an exemple of redemption. I struggle with this, I really do. I think it comes across as insensitive to the victims and ignores the gravity of the situation. While I do not believe that was the author's intention it's hard to read it and lash out emotionally (note: I do not recommend this. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit [Galations 5: 23]).

Yes, Josh Duggar can and has (to the best of my very limited knowledge) found forgiveness and freedom in Christ. But that does not mean he shouldn't face the consequences of his actions through the justice system (no I'm still not going to say that we should execute him).

To face the court of law, albeit an earthly one, is the right thing to do in my opinion. The girls may not want to press charges (statute of limitations aside), and that is their choice, but they should have the option. It doesn't mean that their brother isn't forgiven by Christ or even that they themselves don't love him. 

I am reminded of an episode of Press Gang, "Something Terrible," in which one of the characters discovers a young girl is being sexually abused by their father. This character shares his concerns with the main character and editor of the student paper. They decide to run a special edition on child abuse and are brainstorming some of the questions or concerns they should address:

Spike: I'm worried about my dad.

Colin: What?

Spike: Maybe I still love him. I mean he is my dad. What's going to happen to him?

Colin: If your dad loved you then he knows he shouldn't be doing this, he knows he's harming you. And if he can't stop doing it on his own, then he needs someone to stop him.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I strongly agree with Joshua Rogers in saying that sexual abuse should not be dealt with internally (within the church): go to the police (which the Duggars did), do not cover it up, do not sweep it under the rug. They can find forgiveness and redememption in Christ while still allowing justice to be served.

When God tells you to rest

Ah, rest. That elusive concept that Jesus talks about a couple of times but I'll think about it later. I've got other things to do, God. You understand right?

I mean, I've got good, holy Christian things to do. Like helping lead the youth group every Friday night, and then there's all this admin stuff I said I'd do for the Christians on campus. Oh and I said I'd meet with that friend on campus, man they are going through a tough time right now. Prayer group is coming up this week. Wow there's so much going on around the world, gotta pray for all those people. And that family's moving house earlier in the day so I should be able to fit that in... I'm sure I'll have time to study in between. Gotta get those marks for His glory! 

On and on it went.

On and on.

And on.

Needless to say I eventually crashed. It wasn't pretty. 

And what am I doing now you ask? Weeeeeell... Much the same thing. 

But! I have cut back on some things (youth group and the admin stuff being the major ones). So God's getting me there and I'm starting to listen. Sometimes.

The truth is we're not superhuman. Disappointing I know. Sometimes we need to take a break, we need to rest, we need to say the dreaded 'n' word (*whispers* no...) and let the Holy Spirit minister to our weary souls. 

My dear 'friend' Perfectionism doesn't like letting people down and is desperate to get absolutely everything right, as she sees it. Thankfully, grace says differently. Grace says it's ok I'm not perfect, that I don't always get everything right. If I did I wouldn't need Jesus!! 

So let's listen to grace more often and tell Perfectionism to go away? 

Guess which way Perfectionism wants you to go??
Image via Pixabay

For further reading I highly recommend Solio Deo Gloria's post on 'The Cost of the Cape.' You can find it here.

Additionally, if this is something (perfectionism) you particularly struggle with (1) you are not alone and can read one of my post's on the topic here and (2) you may benefit from reading the Sandford's chapter on 'Performance Orientation' in their book Transformation of the Inner Man.

Forgiveness in light of Indonesian executions

Love keeps no record of wrongs

For my Australian readers I don't have to say much more beyond "Andrew Chan" and you probably know where I'm heading with this. For those of you who have not had their newsfeeds inundated with updates on the Bali 9 I will explain briefly.

In 2005 Andrew Chan and Myurman Sukumaran were arrested in Indonesia as the ringleaders of a drug smuggling ring, dubbed the Bali 9. They and six others were were executed by firing squad earlier this week.

Responses have been mixed. Some fought tooth and nail to get clemency while others begged Indonesian officials to hurry up and shoot then already. And there were Christians and non-Christians on both sides. Considering both Chan and Sukumaran had come to Christ during their imprisonment the lack of compassion among some Christians was especially sad.

So what? Who cares, they're drug smugglers!

And the thief on the cross was no saint either but Jesus promised to see him in paradise. 

The reality of this world is that people are going to stuff up, they're going to hurt you and you're going to want to hurt them back. Then Jesus comes along and tells us he loves us anyway.

Leeland Francisco under CC license 

He doesn't care what you've done. His victory on the cross wiped away your sins and by the riches of God's glorious grace we are forgiven and free. Chan and Sukumaran came to realise this. As they stood waiting to be executed Chan led the men in singing Amazing Grace.

The author of Amazing Grace was a slave trader and a rapist. He came to know the truth about God's grace and love. However he still struggled with temptation, forcing himself on women and indulging his flesh. But God loved Him anyway. That's not to say we get off scott free and can do whatever feel like. That would be throwing God's gift of grace back in His face. That can only end badly. 

Andrew Chan and Myuraman Sukumaran did not get off scott free. They spent 10 years in prsion, were hated and scorned by their fellow citizens and I imagine they thought less than loving thoughts against their jailers at times. 

But they stood in God's grace, offered freely through His Son, in His love that keeps no record of wrongs. And if we are to love like Jesus loved we must to the same. 

"A new command I give to you: love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 

(John 13: 34-35)

Pride

Love is not proud

I've been avoiding this post. It's a topic I don't particularly enjoying talking about, despite the fact that I've referred to pride countless times in other posts. Somehow confronting it head on is a bit too difficult.

Reading Timothy Keller's book Counterfeit Gods I found myself immediately going on the defensive. If you haven't read the book (I recommend it) Keller discusses the subject of idolatry in a Christian context. He explains that when the Bible talks about idolatry it isn't just referring to the physical worship of idols, rather it is a matter of the heart. Essentially anything that replaces God in someone's heart, yes even a Christian, is an idol.

Our God is a jealoous God and He doesn't want to share us with other 'gods.' He wants us to trust Him completely and not turn to other things for our salvation, our deliverance, our sense of worth... He gives us all these things and more. But sometimes we deceive ourselves, or are deceived by others, and no longer trust God completely. We hide part of ourselves away and build our own little kingdoms where we are in control (supposedly). Satan loves that. He'll tempts us with false promises: "This is what you want, this is what you've been looking for all this time." And so we separate ourselves from God to get 'it,' whatever 'it' is. 

But we don't get it. Not really. It's all a lie. 

In discussing this with a close friend of mine I related my concerns about whether I had separated part of myself from God, set up my own little kingdom in my heart. Note this was a few years after reading Keller's book and largely dismissing any concerns because, quite frankly, I didn't want to think about it. My friend reflected on what I had said and then asked a very good question:

"What do you think you're getting out of it? The idol?"

Her point is that idols 'work', in the sense that we continue to hold to them and trust them, because we believe that we can get that 'it' out of them: success, power, sex, love, whatever. Satan will use this false belief to tempt us into continuing to trust the idol. We believe that we are in control and ultimately going to receive 'it.' But this is a lie. Albeit a very clever, very pervasive lie. Never forget that Satan is referred to as the "father of lies" for good reason.

So, what does all this have to do with pride? Better yet what on earth does it have to do with love not being proud? 

God's love and our pride don't mix. We don't deserve His love and His grace, given to us freely in love, leaves no room for pride (see my post on "love does not boast"). However pride and idolatry go very well together. Certainly in my case I was more than happy to say "I know better, God" (Pride Alert!) and go chasing after 'it' and away from God's love. 

While God is telling me that He loves me and that He can heal all the hurt, my pride says, "No, you're wrong." And this double mindedness, simulatenously believing in God's love in an abstract sense but refusing it in my life, allows sin to creep in. I separate part of myself, my heart, from God and set up my own little kingdom, my own heart-idol where I believe I can receive all the things I seek. I foolishly believe, in my pride, that God cannot give me these things. 

So, dear readers, this is what idolatry has to do with pride and love. 

God revealed these things to me over time (I suspect my pride may have slowed things down), eventually bringing me to a place where I was left with little choice but to confront it head on. I chose (thankfully) to submit myself to God and repent. This came in stages. Working out our salvation doesn't happen overnight. But I believe that I am now on the right path. I still have a choice, to trust God or to turn away. That choice isn't always easy but now I have that freedom of choice. Without the revelation of God I was unconscious of many of the things that were going on in my heart (and when God started to show me it was "easier" to ignore Him) and didn't really have a choice. I had surrendered part of my will to this heart-idol. 

This is a dangerous place to be. You only have to do a quick Google search on idolatry to see how incredibly serious it is. But take heart, God is greater than all things.

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

I couldn't decide between the awesome Hebrews verse and this fantastic promise. So I chose both! :D
Source: Sapphire Dream Photography www.flickr.com/photos/worshipbackgrounds/
Licence: creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/legalcode

I am so great, I am so great na na na na na...

Love does not boast

Try to imagine me singing that in a high-pitched annoying voice. Think, 'younger sibling besting you at cards.' And yes he often beats me at cards.

So beyond my inspiring and insightful title this post stumped me. I read up on boasting in my Bible, did a bit of research and in the end this is what I came up with but feel free to disagree, you know, lovingly ;) 

If one boasts, one implies that one is superior to others. And that's not particularly loving, to make someone feel inferior. It can be done in a cheery, light-hearted manner (think mischievous rather than malicious), as per the title. But I doubt that's what Paul's trying to communicate to the Corinthians. 

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Galations 6:14) 

What does this mean? I'm still puzzling it out but my sense is that just as we are saved by faith, and not by works ("so that no one can boast"), I believe "love does not boast" is the same as saying "love is humble." Writing this I feel like that's super obvious and you're wondering when I'm going to get to the point (never! Mwahaha! Wait, is that loving or...?). Grace gives us no room to boast. It's handed to us by God on a cross-shaped platter (did you understand the imagery? DID YOU?!). We don't even have to reach for it, God pretty much puts it in our hand. And thus we return to the age old battle between perfectionism and grace...

Spoilers: grace wins every time.

It's like part of me wants to work hard and reach for some (unattainable) goal or target just so I can say, "Ha! I did it! Me!" (I am the best, I am the best na na na na...). Sounds a bit like boasting huh? So, then, what does its loving counterpart sound like?

I'm actually not sure what it 'sounds' like but I know what it looks like. It's me, finally giving in, at some odd hour of the morning, lying flat on my face before God and saying 'help.' It's laying down my pride, my desire for perfection, and opening myself up to our loving heavenly Father. It is not hiding behind tears and false humilty, or beating myself down. It's submission, no matter how loud that rebellious voice howls. It's everything I'm not but everything that grace allows me to be. I know at heart I'm a rebel but I also know that God loves me anyway. 

In this interpretation, the loving part is not letting boasting interfere with our relationship with God. When I am proud, when I hide part of myself from God, the part that desires to boast in my own abilities, I hurt God. 

Wait? You do what now? 

I hurt God.

Nah, still not getting it.

Yes I don't fully understand it either (for further reading I recommend Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge). However, I am learning, as I grow closer to God, that He wants me to love Him and it hurts Him when I push Him away. For an imperfect comparison, think about how much it hurts when someone you care about distances you emotionally when they're upset. God cares about us and wants to build a relationship with us. Yeah, I'm still struggling to wrap my head around it and I doubt we'll be able to fully appreciate it before this world ends and the New Earth begins. 

P.S. I hope you don't mind my sense of humour and rambling in this post. It's worse when I'm tired!  

Running late?

Love is patient

It's not even half an hour into my day and I'm already getting impatient. If anything this just reinforces my need for grace because it seems impossible to express love through constant patience, particularly when I lose something. It doesn't matter if something super important or something relatively inconsequential. As soon as I can't find it the inconvenience drives me absolutely barmy and patience is the furthest thing from my mind. So, clearly losing things is something to bring before God in prayer. Is there something in particular for you that causes the same reaction? Or am I just way too obsessed with the inconvenience of losing something?

In terms of how it affects my ability to love others... Well all you have to do is try to help me find it and our relationship may be at risk. It's bad. Really bad. I don't know what it is but I do know that God will help us through anything if we submit ourselves before Him in prayer!

The other challenge for me today was running late this morning (my fault). At the start of this debacle it wasn't so much impatience as blind panic. I had an unusually long day yesterday and tiredness tends to make emotional difficulties more problematic than usual. 'Oh, I'm running a little late' can rapidly spiral into, 'I don't want to go into uni. I want to go home right now. I can't face anyone.' This hasn't really happened in recent months but as I said, tiredness tends to make me a little more vulnerable.

The strong temptation this morning was to hold onto these thoughts and feelings instead of turning away and going to the Father. Even when a behaviour is bad for us sometimes we like to hold onto them because they are familiar and we feel in control. This sense of control is, I believe, a trap that keeps us away from God. We prefer to lean on our own understanding rather than humbling ourselves before Him and trusting in His promise of a "peace that surpasses all understanding." 

This is a photo of one of the scriptures I regularly declare (in simple terms, 'say aloud'). I keep it near my desk as study's a big "worry" trigger for me.

So, how did this affect my ability to love others? Well on a human level it meant my wonderful father, who dropped me at the train station, received something close to reproach for (supposedly) making me go to uni instead of thankfulness, and distrust when he said I'd be ok (considering he prayed for me as well I had more than enough reason to trust him). On a spiritual level it led to me putting a 'block' between myself and our heavenly Father.

Once again I am reminded of my inability to be perfect. This is a challenging idea for me. Because I cannot meet God's standards He sent His Son for me. I don't have to do anything, nor can I do anything 'good enough' to justify my salvation. To a long-standing perfectionist this doesn't seem to make sense but it is the truth.

God can help me grow in patience but I'll never be perfect. I might have to tell myself that over and over again but I trust that as I grow in my faith in God's grace it will gradually become easier. We are told to "take captive every thought" and this means identifying a wrong thought (wrong as in it's a lie/against what God says) and submitting it to Jesus in prayer. Once again this means swallowing our pride and denying that 'wonderful' sense of control. But it's worth it.

"...the truth will set you free."

(John 8: 32)

Loving the unloveable

I started writing this post. Then deleted it. Then started again on a different topic two or three times before finally, inexorably, coming back to my original post. I want to talk about loving people. I spouted some pretty hefty Christian ideals in my "Greetings" post, the primary one being loving and encouraging others. It all sounds so lovely, doesn't it? But it's hard. People aren't perfect and even the most basic of friendships can become difficult. So, how do you love people who aren't exactly easy to love?

I don't really have an answer to that question, I don't have '7 Easy Steps to Loving Everyone All the Time' and I don't think anyone else has figured it out. But I do know someone who did it perfectly: Jesus. Jesus came for the broken, the lost and the needy. He came for you and he came for me. Jesus loved the unloveable.

Throughout the New Testament we see countless examples of Jesus hanging out with the lowest of the low. He consorts with tax collectors (a big 'no-no' for Jews), prostitutes, the sick, demon-possessed and every low life around. And what did he do? Tell them to, "Begone, wretched sinner!" No, he loved them, healed them and set them free to love others in return. 

I'll be honest, a lot of the people Jesus spent time with would make me uncomfortable. I have a hard enough time loving those closest to me, let alone the rejected and forgotten. What makes it so hard? Are we really all that different? Not in God's eyes:

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3: 23)

And for those of us redeemed by grace there's certainly not some hierarchy of Christians! I am not more holy or righteous than any other Child of God: 

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3: 28)

So we're all in the same boat: needing Jesus to set us free and then attaining equality of status in the kingdom of God. However while this can help change our perspective it doesn't give an easy, quick-fix solution to loving the unloveable. Jesus had the advantage of being, well, the Son of God and free from sin. But we too are set free through Jesus' death and resurrection. That doesn't make us perfect, we're still going to stumble, still going to get angry at people and reach a point where loving them is the last thing on our minds (the nearest heavy object and assessing our throwing ability is more immediate)... But no matter how hard it gets remember that Jesus loved the unloveable and instructs his disciples to do the same: 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13: 34-35)

So what does this mean in practical terms? It means forgiving those who hurt us, being patient when people annoy us, being kind and including others who might otherwise get left on the sidelines. Consider the passage below:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

During a sermon at a church I used to attend the speaker suggested an exercise: put your name in the place of "love." Are you patient? Kind? Always? Probably not. But God is love, thus He is all of these things and as we draw closer to His Son we become more and more like this too. This is how we can love the unloveable, through the grace of Jesus Christ. 

"Love never fails" 

(1 Corinthians 13: 8)

"It's got to be-e-e-e-e, yeah, perrrrfect"

It is a source of some amusement that, as a perfectionist, that is one of my favourite songs. For those on the outside the word "perfectionist" is used as a friendly jibe. "Oooo you're such a perfectionist! *tehehe*" But for those of us trapped in our beautifully (except for that slight smudge on the wall over there. Hideous) crafted prisons perfectionism can be debilitating.

Perhaps it would be helpful to put my perfectionism in context. I am a university student, who has lost countless hours of sleep trying to get an assignment juuuust right. I tend towards the creative side of things, and have fallen into despair when I couldn't make that thing exactly the way I wanted to. I am a sister, daughter and friend, who has had several near-meltdowns when I've been unable to make a commitment. I am child of God.

"...for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:23-24)

But, I'm not good enough! You may cry (and when I say 'you' we both know I'm talking about me). No, you're not (re-read v. 23 in case there's any confusion).

Ok, so I'll be perfect and then God will love me and the---

Stop.

"...for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God..."

Let that sink in for a second.

By this point I'm hoping it's abundantly clear that no matter how good your marks are, no matter how fantastic that cake you just made looks, or how good of a friend you think you are it's not enough.

And that's ok.

Ok?! Thats not ok!!!

Oh, but it is.

"For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5: 7-8)

There is nothing you can do to earn God's love. And there is nothing you can do to lose it.

I have this conversation with myself on a near daily basis. The only thing that cuts through the fog and the murk created by these lies I tell myself ('You're not good enough.' 'No one loves you.') is the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Ephesians 6: 17).

For further reading (especially for any mums out there) I highly recommend "I Must Be Perfect" by Rachel Madden on Devotional Diva. Her honesty and 'realateiblity' (that's a word now) are part of what prompted me to share my experience. You can find the link here.



*Note: None of my friends actually laugh like that. Well, at least, not in public.

Greetings

Dear People of the Internet,

Hello.

We may never meet, or know each other beyond those catchy usernames we come up with but let me introduce myself. My name? It’s not important (<cue Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy clip>). What is important is the goal of this blog. I have been so encouraged in recent months by Christian bloggers sharing their walk with God. The issues covered in these blogs have ranged from mental health to computer game reviews.

You’ve probably picked up a few things about me already. My wonderful sense of humour (and deep and abiding modesty) and my tendency to be somewhat geeky. Wait, don’t leave yet! I’m still cool, promise (mumma always told me not to make promises I couldn’t keep…). However, these fascinating facts are not my true purpose. As I have been encouraged I wish to encourage others in turn.

My prayer is that the words you read here will serve to edify the body of Christ. I believe God works through people, often without said person realising. I believe that it is the Spirit of God and the transformative power of His grace that makes a difference in our lives (it sure has in mine). So, maybe He will use this blog to reach you, maybe He won’t. I honestly don’t know. But it is my hope it will and in either case I trust in God’s love for each and every one of you.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13: 35)