Welcome to adulthood!

"It's not that you're bleugh, it's just that you feel bleugh. . . Because the situation is bleugh. You know?"

Hands up if that makes sense? No? Honestly, it's like you need context or something.

Dating.

Oh yes, the dreaded 'D' word.

I am beyond the age of simple and sweet high school crushes:

So do you like, like him?? 

Weeeell, I like him but I don't know if I like, like him.

I don't think things are much clearer now. Sure, my vocabulary and syntax are a little more sophisticated but it's still terrifying, uncertain and messy.

Add in my delightful baggage and you've got yourself a gen-u-ine adult relationship!

Attempting to navigate these waters is little like a "blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there" (thanks John Waller). I must constantly come back to God and entrust myself to Him or I am liable to go insane. I need Him to remind me again and again how valuable I am and that rejection does not mean I am "unlovable."

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 

(Luke 12: 7)

To any young women reading this: You are valuable. You are precious to the Most High God and nothing and no one can take that away from you (Romans 8: 38-39).

And don't forget Gloria Gaynor ;)

What advice can you offer on the dreaded D word? Any good lesson learnt along the way?

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Photo credit:
(1) Image by whology. Used under CC license.

Sometimes friends let you down. And it sucks.

I don't cope particularly well with disappointment. I don't think feeling disappointed or let down is wrong per se, but I do know that dissolving into a puddle of tears when things go askew isn't always the best reaction. 

I am gradually building my resiliency though and learning to cope more naturally with the ups and downs of life. We will always experience disappointment in this life, we will never be fully satisfied... Otherwise why would we need God? 

Still, when friends let you down it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. And on that note I'd like to share a recent experience with you.

A group of Christian friends from uni had arranged to have dinner and see a movie over our mid-semester break. Naturally this was all organised through Facebook but as I had recently deactivated my account I planned to call one of the invitees prior to the movie. I know right, verbally communicating to organise an event. How quaint.

Anyway I was pleasantly surprised to receive a text from the host, filling me in on the finalised details. I say "surprised" because this particular group of Christians can be a bit hit and miss when it comes to following through and really seeking to love and include others. 

Now I don't know exactly what happened that night. I know I was a little late (my bad) but in the past friends would wait or call to see where you were, or you would call them. I didn't have any credit on my phone (my bad again) and that made things tricky but hey, I had betted on finding my friends and had gotten used to not being plugged into my phone all the time.

My friends were nowhere to be seen. 

Unable to locate them or a payphone I decided to go home. By myself. In the dark. Via public transport.

You get bonus points if you made this face upon reading of my daring antics. 

At this point in the story about a million other things could have gone wrong, beyond the initial (mildly crushing) disappointment of not being able to find my friends. Part of me was questioning my judgement but I prayed and asked God to "help me."

This was a somewhat vague request. Without articulating my thoughts to Him I had various answers to that prayer in mind, including (a) "help me" find my friends, (b) "help me" find a payphone and (c) "help me" not to burst into tears in public and (d), which was becoming increasingly more urgent as I walked to the nearest busstop, "help me" not get into some serious trouble with some unfriendly strangers. 

The Lord heard me and answered my prayer.

The bus arrived shortly and I arrived at the station just in time to catch the next train. Dad even picked me up from the station (I know where the payphones are in my suburb ;)).

The next hour was spent alternating between crying, rationalising with myself, getting angry with God and a mix of all three at once.

I know that might sound really bad but please believe me and all the professionals involved that I am getting better. Even when I feel like my life is a complete mess apparently this is not the case and only my negative perception. Because that's never skewed my perception before... *cough*

So what did I learn from all this? Firstly, I can cope a heck of a lot better with life's curveballs than I could, say, six to twelve months ago. Secondly, the Lord is faithful to me and answered my prayer even if it wasn't exactly the answer I wanted (i.e. find my friends, and have a smashing time despite the intial disappointment). And, as a caveat to the first one, I coped because God was with me. Oh boy did I feel let down by my friends but He didn't leave me. And He never will. 

What about you? Have you had a similar experience? How do you cope with the disappointment? 

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Photo credit:

1. Antranias via Pixabay. Public domain.

2. James Vaughan via Flickr. CC license. 

3.  Kaboompics via Pixabay. Public domain.

What to do when you feel like giving up

Tough day? Tough week maybe? Heck right now it may feel like a tough life.

Sometimes we feel like this little guy
Image by Sachin Sandhu. Used under CC licence.

We've all been there at one point or another. Mental health professionals are quick to tell us that highs and lows are a normal point of life. And it's true, Jesus didn't promise us an easy ride.

"I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble..." (John 16: 33a). So what do you do when you feel like giving up? 

First, take a breath. Just breathe. Breathe in, hold . . . . . breathe out.

The short, shallow breaths caused by stressful situations can make it harder to think. Our brain starts to think that we're in real danger and our "fight/flight" response starts pumping us full of adrenalin, which is great if we need to run for our lives but less helpful if we need to think critically. There's a good summary here, with all the fun technical terms. 

Ok so that probably hasn't made the problem go away but now your brain is enjoying some much needed oxygen and you may be feeling calmer and able to think more clearly.

This image seemed appropriate.
Image by dasroofless. Used under CC licence

*Sarcasm powers activate*

I find I have something of a flair for drama. No don't laugh, I'm serious. I can turn anything into a world class melodrama in five seconds flat. I should win an Oscar, I'm telling ya. It's me and Merly Streep all the way.

*Sarcasm powers deactiviate* 

The truth is, if you're still reading at this point then we can safely assume you are not dead and thus still able to take action. And maybe you wish you were dead but please keep breathing darling.

You are here for a reason. Your life is not shaped by this problem. And you can overcome it.

Don't tell me you "can't " because when you say that you are not only calling me a liar, you're calling Jesus a liar. 

"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" (Numbers 23: 19)

So when Jesus, the Son of God says: 

"But take heart! I have overcome the world," (John 16: 33b) and that, "...we are more than conquerors through [Christ]" (Romans 8: 37).

Then how is it that you cannot overcome? How is it that you are the exception to the rule, God's rule, that He will never leave us nor forsake us? 

God does not lie. Jesus does not lie. So if Jesus says you can overcome this he is telling you the truth. Maybe the way out isn't obvious right now but he is never ever going to let you go.

Image by brett jordan.
Used under CC licence.

I know it's hard right now but you're still here. And you are here for a reason. You are precious and you are loved. Don't give up because God isn't giving up on you.

Sometimes, when the Rejection Monster comes to visit, I worry that secretly everybody hates me. Oh I know it sounds ridiculous but the feeling can be very, very strong. That's just it though: it's only a feeling. The truth, the evidence is friends and family who love me dearly and a Saviour who died for me.

Remember: God does not lie. Period. 

God bless and have a wonderful week. Let me know in the comment what you do when you feel like giving up. For example, a friend of a friend has a shower because it feels like she's starting the day again :) 

Temporary Break from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

This post is a temporary break from my study of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. The reason for this is that yesterday I had a visit from the Rejection Monster and it blew my blogging plans out of the water. I talked about rejection in a previous post. We all have different struggles and rejection is one of mine. So, if it's something you find difficult I hope you are encouraged by this post.

Do you ever wake up from a bad dream and can't remember exactly what happened? It's all a little blurry and the only thing that is a abundantly clear is the emotional response the dream provoked. This is how I feel today. The details of yesterday are a little blurry but like a bad dream the feelings remain. There's a certain heaviness and vague sense of feeling a bit 'off.' However they're only feelings.

What?? Only feelings?! Are you mad?

Possibly. But it's true. This is something I have been learning over the past year, something my dad has certainly been trying to teach me for a while. In simple terms the lesson is that, yes, they are only feelings. Feelings do not define your personality, your sense of worth. They can be very strong and very powerful but that doesn't mean they control you. You have a choice. Somtimes that choice may seem very small and very faint but it's still there, glimmering in the darkness. You can make the choice to say 'no' to your feelings and negative thinking because they're not always accurate.

Oh, come on! Now you're telling me my feelings lie to me?? But they're my feelings, I don't lie to myself!

Sure you do. I do it all the time. And it's a choice. I can choose to cling to the truth or to the lies. I can choose to hold on to my feelings and call them 'The Truth' but I think that title is already taken...

"I am the way, the truth and the life."

Jesus is pretty clear here. Hard to argue when it's so obvious (frustrating, I know). Yet still we will twist and turn trying to justify our feelings. Fine, you can do that. You have freedom of will. That's your choice. But understand that you made that choice. It can go the other way as well.

So while my feelings are screaming at me to go back to bed, hide under the covers and ignore the world I'm saying "no." And saying "yes" to life, "yes" to truth and "yes" to God, who whispers so gently that He loves me. And while I scream back at Him that I don't deserve His love I'm almost certain He told me "too bad." And that's the truth. No matter how strong the feeling of rejection is you. are. loved.

"It's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety"

When you're hurting and the Rejection Monster comes to visit

You could take "anxiety" out of that title and put any number of things in its place: depression; kids; a partner; cancer. And it's true. I don't mind admitting that having never been diagnosed with anxiety I haven't the faintest clue what it's like to live day-to-day life. But those words still stung.

Have you ever used a phrase like that? I have, and when said gently and with kindness it's not necessarily the wrong thing to say. You see it's not the words themselves that stung. Rather it was the rejecting and controlling heart behind it.

Sometimes, when we're hurting, when we're vulnerable and been kicked to the curb our response to love is to lash out. It's something of a defensive mechanism, to control the situation and supposedly stop us from getting hurt but it's wrong, very wrong. I've done it countless times and have been blessed by some very patient and loving people in my life. And a loving Heavenly Father who "never leaves" or "forsakes" me, no matter how many times I tell Him to "go away." Yikes.

So, why is this response wrong? Well because it's often a result of listening to Satan and the lies he whispers in your ear, rather than to the Word of God. That may sound pretty extreme but let me put it into context for you.

Say you've had a rough day at uni or wok, nothing's gone right and you have a pile of work sky high. The guy you were seeing dumped you, your friends aren't answering their phones and nobody seems to care. If you're anything like me it's round about this time that Rejection enters from stage left.

"No one really loves you."

"No one cares."

"You're not worth it."

"Why do you even bother?"

By the time you get home to your family you're in a deep, dark pit of misery. Any attempts at comfort, or even healthy interaction (like, say, "How was your day?"), are met with such crushing rejection (<cue "it's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety" reference>) that it's a wonder they still let you live here.

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be going through stuff that in all honesty other people can't properly understand unless they've been there themselves. And you can tell them that (GENTLY!). But before you let the Rejection Monster take over and hurt those who love you just stop for a second and take a breath. Consider if your next action will do more harm than good. And remember that the person on the other side does love you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

We are accepted in the Beloved

(Ephesians 1: 6)