God first, then chocolate

Hello internet friends! I apologise for my lengthy absence. It has been a very busy semester but I am back (for the moment) so yay!

Hands up if you love chocolate? If you don't (madness!) I imagine there are other indulgences in your life, be it Netflix, coffee, gardening or particularly scrumptious crumpets with butter and jam (I could really go for some of those right now).



And it's not bad to enjoy these things!

But we must acknowledge that they do not solve the problem. Yes, despite what the television tells you chocolate will not make everything better. Nor will delicious crumpets (*sigh*).



It's not even necessarily bad to have these things when you're feeling bad. My dad's go to "cheer-up-crying-daughter" solution is hot chocolate. But lately he started praying for me first and then administering the delicious brew.

His reasoning was this: Yes, hot chocolate cheers you up but what you really want is not the actual beverage but the feeling of love and care when I make it for you. That's fine but what you really need is God's love. So I'm still going to make you hot chocolate but I want to pray for you first.

An interesting effect of this is that I have since stopped wanting hot chocolate as much. I still enjoy it and get all the warm fuzzies when someone makes it for me but I don't crave it in the same way.

To me this indicates that dad was right and what I was really craving was the love of God.

It is not unusual for me to turn to food or other sources of comfort when I am sad or stressed. But before long I will find that it does not satisfy and the negative feeling is not displaced. This is especially true when I am feeling particularly depressed and having a bad mental health day. I will drain people dry trying to fill up the emptiness and hurt inside but it never works.

I thought this was a beautiful quote from Nick Vujicic.

Lately I have been disciplining myself to turn to God first, and then chocolate. Within reason it's okay to have the chocolate:

"All things are lawful but not everything is profitable."

Corinthians 10: 23a

But chocolate will not solve my problems, it will not love me and it certainly will not save me. So, let us turn to the one who gives us rest for our souls (Matthew 11: 29) before we take another bite of that Hershey bar.

I was inspired, in part, by this great post by Eva Bridges who is a Christian missionary in Israel. I've referred to this post before, and it continues to have an impact on me! I encourage you to give it a read.

God bless and have a wonderful week.

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Photo credit:
(1) Image by condesign. Public domain.
(2) Image by Church Iglesia. Used under CC license.
(3) Image by jubileelewis. Used under CC license.

Welcome to adulthood!

"It's not that you're bleugh, it's just that you feel bleugh. . . Because the situation is bleugh. You know?"

Hands up if that makes sense? No? Honestly, it's like you need context or something.

Dating.

Oh yes, the dreaded 'D' word.

I am beyond the age of simple and sweet high school crushes:

So do you like, like him?? 

Weeeell, I like him but I don't know if I like, like him.

I don't think things are much clearer now. Sure, my vocabulary and syntax are a little more sophisticated but it's still terrifying, uncertain and messy.

Add in my delightful baggage and you've got yourself a gen-u-ine adult relationship!

Attempting to navigate these waters is little like a "blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there" (thanks John Waller). I must constantly come back to God and entrust myself to Him or I am liable to go insane. I need Him to remind me again and again how valuable I am and that rejection does not mean I am "unlovable."

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 

(Luke 12: 7)

To any young women reading this: You are valuable. You are precious to the Most High God and nothing and no one can take that away from you (Romans 8: 38-39).

And don't forget Gloria Gaynor ;)

What advice can you offer on the dreaded D word? Any good lesson learnt along the way?

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Photo credit:
(1) Image by whology. Used under CC license.

Writing the "perfect" post

I remember reading Rachel Madden's post on this topic and just getting it, you know? It made so much sense to a fellow (recovering) perfectionist. I want to have the perfect post, a beautifully crafted manuscript of exquisite aesthetic value (getting my money's worth out of that thesaurus ;) ).

I'm almost drooling thinking about it. Sigh...

Perfectionism is a pretty lie. It reminds me of a South American Dart Frog. Those vibrant colours are gorgeous but they are oh so deadly, much like the toxicity of perfectionism I discussed a few weeks ago. 

So, if I can't write the perfect post what can I do? 

There's the usual tips, like breaking up dense text with pictures. You can see in my earlier posts that I didn't always add images but now Creative Commons is one of my bestest friends :)

But really this post is about not worrying and giving up the desire to be perfect. Sorry.

Let peace, rather than worry, rule your heart.

Collaboratively I bet we could write pages and pages of the little tips and tricks we know about blogging and writing a killer post. But how often do we say "don't worry about it?" I don't mean in that namby pamby blasé way but a down to earth, God centred plea to just stop worrying. Seriously. Stop. 

My second semester started a few weeks ago so my blog has gone on the backburner for a while. This is generally considered to be a reasonable thing to do but it's still been a nagging worry.

Instead of getting on with my studies I'm wasting energy worrying. I'm constantly justifying my actions and reminding myself why blogging can wait another day, another week (or two.. *cough*). But it feels like I'm letting someone down. I don't think it's a specific person, more likely that nasty idol of perfectionism. 

Me, hiding from the nasty idol. 

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." (Titus 3: 3-7)

Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). Through Him we are freed from those passions and pleasures and by working out our salvation (Philippians 2: 12) we become more like Him: righteous, holy and sanctified. 

My prayer: Lord, let us no longer be deceived but earnestly seek your face, to walk the narrow path and be filled and renewed by your Holy Spirit. 

God bless and have a wonderful week (or two/three/until I have a breather from study)! Oh and, as a moment by moment lesson in letting go, I accidentally lost half this post . . . half of my beautiful, exquisite post *sob.*

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Photo credit:

1. Image by Sascha Gebhardt. Used under CC license. 

2. Image by New Life Church Collingwood. Used under CC license. 

3. Image by black panther. Public domain. 

God's Stubborn Love

The last few weeks I have been doing my utmost to avoid God, which is a neat trick when you run a faith blog. I also manage to attend church and Bible study, and do my daily Bible reading. I'm going through all the motions without actually connecting.

Because that's what it's about: connection. It's a relationship and not just my "ring and run" prayers and hastily read Psalms. 

But despite all my efforts to hide God still manages to find a way to reach me. Honestly, it's almost as if He actually wants a relationship with me... 

I'll share a few examples with you (for there are many). Psalm 136 was part of my Bible reading a few days ago:

1 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the God of gods

His love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the Lord of Lords:
His love endures for ever

That's just verse one to three but you may notice a pattern in its construction. By about verse nine or so the words were practically leaping off the page and shouting in my face: HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER. ARE YOU LISTENING YET?

*claps hands over ears* la, la, la, can't hear you! For I am a foolish mortal. 

Another example occurred during church. Putting aside the sermon on our father-child relationship with God (oh it was a doozy. The words were yelling in my face again), there was one particular song that threatened to knock me sideways.

The gentleman who led us in Communion (he has a wonderfully esoteric blog, Like Trees. Like Spears) shared with us from the book of Hosea. Hosea, a prophet in Israel, is commanded by God to marry a prostitute. God commands Hosea to do this in order to symbolise His relationship with the nation of Israel. It was in this context that we listened to Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. 

She'll lie and steal, and cheat, and beg you from her knees,

Make you think she means it this time

She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair

But I still love her, I don't really care

His love endures forever

I don't believe it is a Christian song but nevertheless Stubborn Love goes some of the way in portraying God's love for us foolish mortals. Do yourself a favour and don't hide from God. He always finds you anyway :) 

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Photo credit: 

1. Image by Art4TheGlryOfGod. Used under CC license. 

Sometimes friends let you down. And it sucks.

I don't cope particularly well with disappointment. I don't think feeling disappointed or let down is wrong per se, but I do know that dissolving into a puddle of tears when things go askew isn't always the best reaction. 

I am gradually building my resiliency though and learning to cope more naturally with the ups and downs of life. We will always experience disappointment in this life, we will never be fully satisfied... Otherwise why would we need God? 

Still, when friends let you down it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. And on that note I'd like to share a recent experience with you.

A group of Christian friends from uni had arranged to have dinner and see a movie over our mid-semester break. Naturally this was all organised through Facebook but as I had recently deactivated my account I planned to call one of the invitees prior to the movie. I know right, verbally communicating to organise an event. How quaint.

Anyway I was pleasantly surprised to receive a text from the host, filling me in on the finalised details. I say "surprised" because this particular group of Christians can be a bit hit and miss when it comes to following through and really seeking to love and include others. 

Now I don't know exactly what happened that night. I know I was a little late (my bad) but in the past friends would wait or call to see where you were, or you would call them. I didn't have any credit on my phone (my bad again) and that made things tricky but hey, I had betted on finding my friends and had gotten used to not being plugged into my phone all the time.

My friends were nowhere to be seen. 

Unable to locate them or a payphone I decided to go home. By myself. In the dark. Via public transport.

You get bonus points if you made this face upon reading of my daring antics. 

At this point in the story about a million other things could have gone wrong, beyond the initial (mildly crushing) disappointment of not being able to find my friends. Part of me was questioning my judgement but I prayed and asked God to "help me."

This was a somewhat vague request. Without articulating my thoughts to Him I had various answers to that prayer in mind, including (a) "help me" find my friends, (b) "help me" find a payphone and (c) "help me" not to burst into tears in public and (d), which was becoming increasingly more urgent as I walked to the nearest busstop, "help me" not get into some serious trouble with some unfriendly strangers. 

The Lord heard me and answered my prayer.

The bus arrived shortly and I arrived at the station just in time to catch the next train. Dad even picked me up from the station (I know where the payphones are in my suburb ;)).

The next hour was spent alternating between crying, rationalising with myself, getting angry with God and a mix of all three at once.

I know that might sound really bad but please believe me and all the professionals involved that I am getting better. Even when I feel like my life is a complete mess apparently this is not the case and only my negative perception. Because that's never skewed my perception before... *cough*

So what did I learn from all this? Firstly, I can cope a heck of a lot better with life's curveballs than I could, say, six to twelve months ago. Secondly, the Lord is faithful to me and answered my prayer even if it wasn't exactly the answer I wanted (i.e. find my friends, and have a smashing time despite the intial disappointment). And, as a caveat to the first one, I coped because God was with me. Oh boy did I feel let down by my friends but He didn't leave me. And He never will. 

What about you? Have you had a similar experience? How do you cope with the disappointment? 

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Photo credit:

1. Antranias via Pixabay. Public domain.

2. James Vaughan via Flickr. CC license. 

3.  Kaboompics via Pixabay. Public domain.

Why I'm (temporarily) quitting Facebook

Image by AdorkableAznBunny. Used under CC license.

Ah, Facebook. The silent blue giant that lurks on our phones and computers, slowly sucking all joy from our lives. At least, that's been my recent experience with the one of the world's most popular social media sites.

The only other time I have deactivated my account was during my final year of school. By the way, if there's any students reading this I highly recommend having a final year Facebook break. It's a huge distraction and no, you cannot effectively study and be on Facebook at the same time. Such practices have a significant negative impact on your ability to concentrate and absorb information. Trust me, you have enough distractions without checking your Newsfeed every five seconds. 

Anyway.

I'm not in my final year of school and I didn't even have end of semester uni exams this time around (my condolences for those of you still studying. Now stop reading this and get back to it! ;) ). So, why give up the big blue monster?

It was making me miserable. Regular readers of this blog will know I have my "off" days. While I try not to make rash decisions when I'm feeling bad I decided I needed a Facebook break during one of those "off" days. 

Image by dugg simpson. Used under CC license. 

I realised it was exacerbating feelings of loneliness and despair. The despair was particularly acute when seeing updates from some of the causes I'm passionate about and seek to support. I was being fed constant reminders of how harsh and cruel this world is and I felt powerless in the face of all the suffering.

In direct opposition to these stories were updates from friends about all the good (or bad) things happening in their lives. Facebook allows us the create a perfect, happy image of our lives. Or to vent about our frustrations and pain (perhaps through blogging hmm? :P ).

So on the one hand I was constantly being told how great life is while on the other being made aware of some friend's struggles, and the crises occuring around the world. 

I took all these cares and burdens on myself and it was having a significant impact on my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Recently I have been made aware of my rebellion against God. While I'm not going to go into details in this post my rebellion has been making me miserable and I imagine taking on all these burdens was a symptom of my sin. 

So while quitting Facebook is only treating a symptom it is at least removing a significant temptation. The temptation is to maintain control of my life and create my own kingdom instead of relinquishing control to God. 

Instead of entrusting these burdens and cares to The Management I declared myself king because I needed to maintain control, I needed to hold onto these burdens. Why? Because I did not trust God. 

Again I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty of why I haven't been trusting God but I hope you at least understand that control stems from rebellion, and this can make you miserable, anxious and afraid. Freedom is found through repentance and forgiveness. 

Image by geralt. Used under CC license.

Lord, I'm sorry for my sin [naming the specific sin helps. Do not let shame trap you anymore]. Please forgive me and help me to trust you more. Today I commit [make the choice!] to trusting you and letting you be Lord of my life. In Jesus name, Amen.

What to do when you feel like giving up

Tough day? Tough week maybe? Heck right now it may feel like a tough life.

Sometimes we feel like this little guy
Image by Sachin Sandhu. Used under CC licence.

We've all been there at one point or another. Mental health professionals are quick to tell us that highs and lows are a normal point of life. And it's true, Jesus didn't promise us an easy ride.

"I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble..." (John 16: 33a). So what do you do when you feel like giving up? 

First, take a breath. Just breathe. Breathe in, hold . . . . . breathe out.

The short, shallow breaths caused by stressful situations can make it harder to think. Our brain starts to think that we're in real danger and our "fight/flight" response starts pumping us full of adrenalin, which is great if we need to run for our lives but less helpful if we need to think critically. There's a good summary here, with all the fun technical terms. 

Ok so that probably hasn't made the problem go away but now your brain is enjoying some much needed oxygen and you may be feeling calmer and able to think more clearly.

This image seemed appropriate.
Image by dasroofless. Used under CC licence

*Sarcasm powers activate*

I find I have something of a flair for drama. No don't laugh, I'm serious. I can turn anything into a world class melodrama in five seconds flat. I should win an Oscar, I'm telling ya. It's me and Merly Streep all the way.

*Sarcasm powers deactiviate* 

The truth is, if you're still reading at this point then we can safely assume you are not dead and thus still able to take action. And maybe you wish you were dead but please keep breathing darling.

You are here for a reason. Your life is not shaped by this problem. And you can overcome it.

Don't tell me you "can't " because when you say that you are not only calling me a liar, you're calling Jesus a liar. 

"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" (Numbers 23: 19)

So when Jesus, the Son of God says: 

"But take heart! I have overcome the world," (John 16: 33b) and that, "...we are more than conquerors through [Christ]" (Romans 8: 37).

Then how is it that you cannot overcome? How is it that you are the exception to the rule, God's rule, that He will never leave us nor forsake us? 

God does not lie. Jesus does not lie. So if Jesus says you can overcome this he is telling you the truth. Maybe the way out isn't obvious right now but he is never ever going to let you go.

Image by brett jordan.
Used under CC licence.

I know it's hard right now but you're still here. And you are here for a reason. You are precious and you are loved. Don't give up because God isn't giving up on you.

Sometimes, when the Rejection Monster comes to visit, I worry that secretly everybody hates me. Oh I know it sounds ridiculous but the feeling can be very, very strong. That's just it though: it's only a feeling. The truth, the evidence is friends and family who love me dearly and a Saviour who died for me.

Remember: God does not lie. Period. 

God bless and have a wonderful week. Let me know in the comment what you do when you feel like giving up. For example, a friend of a friend has a shower because it feels like she's starting the day again :) 

I'm on Goodreads! And some thoughts on life

Hello there blogging world.

I am now on Goodreads. I never intended this to be a book review blog and I'm happy with how things are going buuuuut...I really like reading.

Sooo pretty... Must have books!
Image by timetrax23. Used under CC license.

So I compromised and set up a Goodreads account, yay!

If you would care to connect with me you can view my profile here: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/43780824-mb

And, more in keeping with this blog, I also have a few thoughts (just one really) that I'd like to share with you.

I've been quite down the last few days. Mum suggested a trip to the library, partly to get me out of the house (the couch/my bed were my new friends) but also because she knows I enjoy reading.

Now this isn't anything groundbreaking but it really helped me just to get out and do something. And libraries are nice, cool and quiet. Not too stressful right? So it worked out well.

I also had a bit of fun finding books according to this summer reading challenge I found on StumbleUpon (oh I have an account there as well..so many distractions). It's from a few years ago but I checked out the author's blog and she still ones a challenge every summer and winter.

You can find the current challenge here. It's a little late for me to join now but something to keep in mind for the future eh?

And if you've been having a hard week too maybe there's something nice you could do? You sit out in the garden, go for a walk, have a coffee with a friend. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just something to get your mind off things for a while. And always remember that Jesus loves you and is with you in the messiness.

Lots of love,

MB

"I am worn out from my groaning..."

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

The last week has been difficult for me. I've had some really tough days and been very low. When you've been going well for a while it's a bit of shock to the system to suddenly be in "that place" again.

shattered.art66 under CC license

It's easy to beat yourself up and just heap more blame and negative thinking onto yourself. You get angry, you lash out at those around you. You cry. Or don't. Sometime the feelings choke you and the heaviness just sits there, with very little release through tears. Things are thrown, doors are slammed and you start to wonder how you ever deluded yourself that things were getting better.

I doubt anyone who reads the above is going to think I'm "delighting in evil." I wrote a post on my personal Facebook page about the celebration of death following the executions in Indonesia. That is a better example of taking delight in evil.

However I think we can develop a certain "addiction" to suffering. This is a generalised statement and should not to be twisted to blame others for their suffering. Have a read of the book of Job one time and you'll see how God feels about that (spoilers: it's not viewed kindly).

But we can almost enjoy dwelling in our suffering. In my post about idolatry I talked about how we typically get something out of the idol, hence why we continue to be loyal to something/one that is harmful.

Recovery is not a straightforward process and it's not uncommon to go through a continuous, near-maddening process of two steps forward, one step back.

But where does that step back lead?

To evil.

To the lies.

To the hurt and the pain part of us longs to cling to.

And the alternative?

The truth. Jesus. Love. Grace. Forgiveness.

But to get there we need to surrender and submit ourselves to God. And all of a sudden the lie so much sweeter, so much easier. But, and please trust me on this one, it is far better to submit yourself to God.

In situations of distress and temptation for Christians other believers often quote James 4: 7: "resist the devil and he will flee from you." This is truth we can rejoice in, "take heart! For I have overcome the world." (John 16: 33)

But sometimes we forget, or omit, the first part of that verse: "Submit yourself to God."

Adapted from original by Martin LaBar under CC license

So, this becomes a three step event:
1. Submit yourself to God
2. Resist the Devil
3. And he will flee from you

And as I have written on a note beside my bed:
1. Submit
2. Resist
----> Flee

My lesson for this week? Pain can be addictive. Like any 'drug' it is evil but we take a sort of twisted delight in it. But love says to rejoice in the truth. And the truth is is that I am loved, I am forgiven, and that Jesus is greater than my heart, than my feelings. And I can stay here in the mirey clay, in "that place" and He will still love me. Praise God.

Temporary Break from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

This post is a temporary break from my study of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. The reason for this is that yesterday I had a visit from the Rejection Monster and it blew my blogging plans out of the water. I talked about rejection in a previous post. We all have different struggles and rejection is one of mine. So, if it's something you find difficult I hope you are encouraged by this post.

Do you ever wake up from a bad dream and can't remember exactly what happened? It's all a little blurry and the only thing that is a abundantly clear is the emotional response the dream provoked. This is how I feel today. The details of yesterday are a little blurry but like a bad dream the feelings remain. There's a certain heaviness and vague sense of feeling a bit 'off.' However they're only feelings.

What?? Only feelings?! Are you mad?

Possibly. But it's true. This is something I have been learning over the past year, something my dad has certainly been trying to teach me for a while. In simple terms the lesson is that, yes, they are only feelings. Feelings do not define your personality, your sense of worth. They can be very strong and very powerful but that doesn't mean they control you. You have a choice. Somtimes that choice may seem very small and very faint but it's still there, glimmering in the darkness. You can make the choice to say 'no' to your feelings and negative thinking because they're not always accurate.

Oh, come on! Now you're telling me my feelings lie to me?? But they're my feelings, I don't lie to myself!

Sure you do. I do it all the time. And it's a choice. I can choose to cling to the truth or to the lies. I can choose to hold on to my feelings and call them 'The Truth' but I think that title is already taken...

"I am the way, the truth and the life."

Jesus is pretty clear here. Hard to argue when it's so obvious (frustrating, I know). Yet still we will twist and turn trying to justify our feelings. Fine, you can do that. You have freedom of will. That's your choice. But understand that you made that choice. It can go the other way as well.

So while my feelings are screaming at me to go back to bed, hide under the covers and ignore the world I'm saying "no." And saying "yes" to life, "yes" to truth and "yes" to God, who whispers so gently that He loves me. And while I scream back at Him that I don't deserve His love I'm almost certain He told me "too bad." And that's the truth. No matter how strong the feeling of rejection is you. are. loved.

One of a kind

Love is kind

See what I did there?  With the title?

*crickets chirp*

Hey, it's hard to come up with catchy titles involving the word 'kind.' Let me know if you have a better idea (or a better pun).

So what does it mean to love other through kindness? Well in the past* this has meant me bending over backwards to 'love' others and, at the extreme end, endangering my own mental and emotional health because I'd decided to take everyone else's problems on my shoulders and am being crushed under the weight of a self-imposed obligation.

This not love. This is pride. This is my pride, cleverly hiding behind perfectionism which in turn is lurking behind a self-righteous mask of love. One day, after church, this really hit home. I had a standing obligation with a friend to give her a lift to church. That weekend I also contacted a different friend and invited her to church. She was happy to come (yay! Christian brownie points) but required a lift. Without hesitation I said 'Sure!' and merrily took on this obligation.

Now our car can only fit our family and one other. But I'd invited two friends. Do the math. Unfortunately I don't drive (yeah, it's pretty bad in a country that's not exactly pro public transport) so it would be up to my parents whether they were willing to drive uphill and downdale to get everyone to church. Understandably, they decided against such a plan. What ensued was my pride and perfectionism taking over, under that clever mask of love and kindness, to get both my friends to church.

Why didn't I just listen to dad when he said, "You can only have one." Oh no, that will not do at all! Cried she. I must have both my friends there because I've invited them both and I can't say no now and they need me and they need to be there and I have to love them and, and, and... You get the picture.

I did, however, manage to get both of them to church by arranging a separate lift for the other friend. But this experience had been so draining on me, because of the self-imposed obligation to be 'kind' and 'love' them, that I wasn't even there for them, mentally. I was so stressed and distracted I couldn't really focus on what either of them were saying or how they were really feeling. To top it off I also had to attend a meeting that week after the service, so I had a to rush out with my family and my friend to drop her home and then come back for the meeting. In the meantime my other friend had been taken home and I now had to try and concentrate on the youth leader's meeting.

So it wasn't a great afternoon. As I reflected on the day I felt convicted by God that this had been an issue of pride. God showed me that I had been more concerned about appearing like a good friend rather than actually being one and genuinely loving them. Now that's not to say I'm heartless and don't love my friends, because I truly do and I'm not beating myself up, but I was motivated by my pride, and not godly love i.e. love is kind.

As the author of this website explains, loving others by being kind doesn't mean giving people everything they want and bending over backwards to please everyone. So these days I don't impulsively say 'Sure!' to something before checking what else I have on that day. When the anxious perfectionist voices start ('You have to see them, they're your friend. Aren't you a good friend?') I call their bluff and let them sit in my head and grumble away. I don't have to listen to them, I don't answer to them. Instead I take my thoughts captive to Christ and look to the Lord for the reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

If you ever struggle with worries and thoughts that can become overpowering I recommend this blogpost as well by Eva Bridges (on my computer I have to scroll down for a bit before I actually see the post). I found it encouraging to read that other Christians struggle in this regard and how they can choose to listen to the lies or take the thoughts captive.

Read it here: http://69.195.124.224/~desertn0/take-every-thought-captive/


*She says while acknowledging that this issue is still somewhat part of the present.

"It's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety"

When you're hurting and the Rejection Monster comes to visit

You could take "anxiety" out of that title and put any number of things in its place: depression; kids; a partner; cancer. And it's true. I don't mind admitting that having never been diagnosed with anxiety I haven't the faintest clue what it's like to live day-to-day life. But those words still stung.

Have you ever used a phrase like that? I have, and when said gently and with kindness it's not necessarily the wrong thing to say. You see it's not the words themselves that stung. Rather it was the rejecting and controlling heart behind it.

Sometimes, when we're hurting, when we're vulnerable and been kicked to the curb our response to love is to lash out. It's something of a defensive mechanism, to control the situation and supposedly stop us from getting hurt but it's wrong, very wrong. I've done it countless times and have been blessed by some very patient and loving people in my life. And a loving Heavenly Father who "never leaves" or "forsakes" me, no matter how many times I tell Him to "go away." Yikes.

So, why is this response wrong? Well because it's often a result of listening to Satan and the lies he whispers in your ear, rather than to the Word of God. That may sound pretty extreme but let me put it into context for you.

Say you've had a rough day at uni or wok, nothing's gone right and you have a pile of work sky high. The guy you were seeing dumped you, your friends aren't answering their phones and nobody seems to care. If you're anything like me it's round about this time that Rejection enters from stage left.

"No one really loves you."

"No one cares."

"You're not worth it."

"Why do you even bother?"

By the time you get home to your family you're in a deep, dark pit of misery. Any attempts at comfort, or even healthy interaction (like, say, "How was your day?"), are met with such crushing rejection (<cue "it's something you'd only understand if you had anxiety" reference>) that it's a wonder they still let you live here.

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be going through stuff that in all honesty other people can't properly understand unless they've been there themselves. And you can tell them that (GENTLY!). But before you let the Rejection Monster take over and hurt those who love you just stop for a second and take a breath. Consider if your next action will do more harm than good. And remember that the person on the other side does love you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

We are accepted in the Beloved

(Ephesians 1: 6)