The blessing in saying you're sorry

I have been known to be more than a little judegemental of my friends. I'm ashamed to admit it but also oddly grateful as it reminds just how much I need God's grace. Like, seriously. 

I remember a pastor saying that if we ever knew what really goes through his mind we wouldn't want to be his friend. I imagine the same is true for all of us at times. It certainly applies to me. 

For a long time I judged one friend in particular. I held her up to a particular standard and made her feel condemned when she didn't meet it. She became a Christian a few years ago (hallelujah!) but has gone through dry periods, as we all do, and had to deal with family opposition to her new found faith.

As I learnt more about God I had this expectatinon that she should have learnt more too. She should know that lying to your parents is wrong, that you should go to church and spending time with God was more important than study.

Basically I was saying to her, "Why can't you be as righteous as me??" Praise God that I can laugh at myself now. It's completely ridiculous.

Many of you will be familiar with Jesus' parable about judging others in Matthew 7:

'Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.' (Matthew 7: 1-5, emphasis added)

And let me tell you, I had a whopping great plank in my eye. 

As a consequence of this we were drifting apart. It was quite painful and I judged her for that too, thinking she was being inconsiderate and didn't really care about me (hello Rejection Monster). 

So fabulous. 

The truth is my "holier-than-thou" nonsense had alientaed her and, understandably, it was harder for her to relate to me as I kept riding around on my horse Self-Righteousness (fun fact: she actually rides horses, unlike me). 

So what changed? 

To be honest I'm not entirely sure. For a while my parents had been calling me out on my judegemental attitudes, but I put up my defensive shields and hid behind my hurt. Eventually though God, through His Holy Spirit, led me to a place of repentance.

As we caught up for lunch one day she told me, somewhat defiantly, that she wasn't going to meet up with a mutual friend for a Bible study. I felt my usual disappointment and muttered something about understanding but hope she does it anyway, blah, blah, blah. By the way, nothing wrong with those statements but trust me when I tell you that my heart was not in the right place.

I decided to talk to her in greater depth about her decision towards the end of our lunch. I prayed
 silently that God would grant me wisdom and help me to be loving (at least part of me knew I was 
doing something wrong!). When it came time for that little chat I found an entirely different speech emerging from my mouth.

I talked about our friendship, that I cared about her and I knew she cared about me. I said that I still
wanted to be friends and how she felt was important to me. The upshot was that for the first time in a long time she was able to open up to me.

She explained that she often felt like she was disappointing me when she missed church, for example, and that made her feel bad. She felt like she couldn't really talk to me and it wasn't that she didn't care about me but that she didn't want to be judged, 

"I'm sorry." 

Those words mean so much. When we come before God and say "I'm sorry" we are entering into a place of forgiveness and ultimately greater freedom from sin. I was so blessed to be able to apologise to my friend and be forgiven. God is good!!!

What about you? Do you have any stories of forgiveness you'd like to share? 

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Photo credit:

1. Image by QuotesEverlasting. Used under CC license. 
2. The Mote and The Beam by Domencio Fetti via Wikipedia. Public domain. 

3. Image by copyDude101. Used under CC license. 

Why I'm (temporarily) quitting Facebook

Image by AdorkableAznBunny. Used under CC license.

Ah, Facebook. The silent blue giant that lurks on our phones and computers, slowly sucking all joy from our lives. At least, that's been my recent experience with the one of the world's most popular social media sites.

The only other time I have deactivated my account was during my final year of school. By the way, if there's any students reading this I highly recommend having a final year Facebook break. It's a huge distraction and no, you cannot effectively study and be on Facebook at the same time. Such practices have a significant negative impact on your ability to concentrate and absorb information. Trust me, you have enough distractions without checking your Newsfeed every five seconds. 

Anyway.

I'm not in my final year of school and I didn't even have end of semester uni exams this time around (my condolences for those of you still studying. Now stop reading this and get back to it! ;) ). So, why give up the big blue monster?

It was making me miserable. Regular readers of this blog will know I have my "off" days. While I try not to make rash decisions when I'm feeling bad I decided I needed a Facebook break during one of those "off" days. 

Image by dugg simpson. Used under CC license. 

I realised it was exacerbating feelings of loneliness and despair. The despair was particularly acute when seeing updates from some of the causes I'm passionate about and seek to support. I was being fed constant reminders of how harsh and cruel this world is and I felt powerless in the face of all the suffering.

In direct opposition to these stories were updates from friends about all the good (or bad) things happening in their lives. Facebook allows us the create a perfect, happy image of our lives. Or to vent about our frustrations and pain (perhaps through blogging hmm? :P ).

So on the one hand I was constantly being told how great life is while on the other being made aware of some friend's struggles, and the crises occuring around the world. 

I took all these cares and burdens on myself and it was having a significant impact on my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Recently I have been made aware of my rebellion against God. While I'm not going to go into details in this post my rebellion has been making me miserable and I imagine taking on all these burdens was a symptom of my sin. 

So while quitting Facebook is only treating a symptom it is at least removing a significant temptation. The temptation is to maintain control of my life and create my own kingdom instead of relinquishing control to God. 

Instead of entrusting these burdens and cares to The Management I declared myself king because I needed to maintain control, I needed to hold onto these burdens. Why? Because I did not trust God. 

Again I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty of why I haven't been trusting God but I hope you at least understand that control stems from rebellion, and this can make you miserable, anxious and afraid. Freedom is found through repentance and forgiveness. 

Image by geralt. Used under CC license.

Lord, I'm sorry for my sin [naming the specific sin helps. Do not let shame trap you anymore]. Please forgive me and help me to trust you more. Today I commit [make the choice!] to trusting you and letting you be Lord of my life. In Jesus name, Amen.

Josh Duggar and forgiveness

Far, far away in the mystical land of Oz more than a few articles have been circulating about Josh Duggar and his family. I expect US news channels have been talking about little else. Part of me wants to stick my head in the sand and wait until it all blows over but I've been sufficiently irked that I feel the need to write this post.

Firstly, I do not speak as a victim of sexual abuse. For that kind of insight I recommend Joshua Roger's post. 

Secondly, I do believe that God can forgive all sin by "the riches of grace" and the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1: 7). And I expect we're all on the same page that Joshua Duggar did commit sin.

Forgiveness is found in Jesus.
Image by geralt under CC license

Thirdly, I do not agree with Christians saying that "he should be executed!!!" and baying for his blood. I do not believe in the death penalty (see my post on the Bali 9) and I think we, as Christ's followers, can do better than this. Ask God about it sometime:

"It is mine to avenge; I will repay." (Deuteronomy 32: 35a)

Some writers, such as this Geeks Under Grace post, go as far as to celebrate the testament of Josh Duggar's life as an exemple of redemption. I struggle with this, I really do. I think it comes across as insensitive to the victims and ignores the gravity of the situation. While I do not believe that was the author's intention it's hard to read it and lash out emotionally (note: I do not recommend this. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit [Galations 5: 23]).

Yes, Josh Duggar can and has (to the best of my very limited knowledge) found forgiveness and freedom in Christ. But that does not mean he shouldn't face the consequences of his actions through the justice system (no I'm still not going to say that we should execute him).

To face the court of law, albeit an earthly one, is the right thing to do in my opinion. The girls may not want to press charges (statute of limitations aside), and that is their choice, but they should have the option. It doesn't mean that their brother isn't forgiven by Christ or even that they themselves don't love him. 

I am reminded of an episode of Press Gang, "Something Terrible," in which one of the characters discovers a young girl is being sexually abused by their father. This character shares his concerns with the main character and editor of the student paper. They decide to run a special edition on child abuse and are brainstorming some of the questions or concerns they should address:

Spike: I'm worried about my dad.

Colin: What?

Spike: Maybe I still love him. I mean he is my dad. What's going to happen to him?

Colin: If your dad loved you then he knows he shouldn't be doing this, he knows he's harming you. And if he can't stop doing it on his own, then he needs someone to stop him.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I strongly agree with Joshua Rogers in saying that sexual abuse should not be dealt with internally (within the church): go to the police (which the Duggars did), do not cover it up, do not sweep it under the rug. They can find forgiveness and redememption in Christ while still allowing justice to be served.

Forgiveness in light of Indonesian executions

Love keeps no record of wrongs

For my Australian readers I don't have to say much more beyond "Andrew Chan" and you probably know where I'm heading with this. For those of you who have not had their newsfeeds inundated with updates on the Bali 9 I will explain briefly.

In 2005 Andrew Chan and Myurman Sukumaran were arrested in Indonesia as the ringleaders of a drug smuggling ring, dubbed the Bali 9. They and six others were were executed by firing squad earlier this week.

Responses have been mixed. Some fought tooth and nail to get clemency while others begged Indonesian officials to hurry up and shoot then already. And there were Christians and non-Christians on both sides. Considering both Chan and Sukumaran had come to Christ during their imprisonment the lack of compassion among some Christians was especially sad.

So what? Who cares, they're drug smugglers!

And the thief on the cross was no saint either but Jesus promised to see him in paradise. 

The reality of this world is that people are going to stuff up, they're going to hurt you and you're going to want to hurt them back. Then Jesus comes along and tells us he loves us anyway.

Leeland Francisco under CC license 

He doesn't care what you've done. His victory on the cross wiped away your sins and by the riches of God's glorious grace we are forgiven and free. Chan and Sukumaran came to realise this. As they stood waiting to be executed Chan led the men in singing Amazing Grace.

The author of Amazing Grace was a slave trader and a rapist. He came to know the truth about God's grace and love. However he still struggled with temptation, forcing himself on women and indulging his flesh. But God loved Him anyway. That's not to say we get off scott free and can do whatever feel like. That would be throwing God's gift of grace back in His face. That can only end badly. 

Andrew Chan and Myuraman Sukumaran did not get off scott free. They spent 10 years in prsion, were hated and scorned by their fellow citizens and I imagine they thought less than loving thoughts against their jailers at times. 

But they stood in God's grace, offered freely through His Son, in His love that keeps no record of wrongs. And if we are to love like Jesus loved we must to the same. 

"A new command I give to you: love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 

(John 13: 34-35)

Pet peeves

Love is not easily angered

As I'm sitting here thinking about what angers me I've noticed something: I keep drawing a line between 'angry' and 'annoyed.'

Thought One: "Hmm people being rude makes me annoyed."

Thought Two: "Yeah but that's not really being 'easily angered' so that's ok."

Is it?

Is it ok to get annoyed and think unkind, judgemental thoughts about someone because they did something you didn't like?

One scenario that particularly bothers me is when people are trying to get off the train and the people waiting on the platform don't wait and push ahead. That really ticks me off. I get all indignant even when I'm the one waiting on the platform and not even remotely affected by it. 

I think it strikes of rudeness, impatience and a lack of consideration for other's needs. 

So I silently fume about it, grumbling away in my head and judging their actions. It easily to let this build up until I'm positively cross about it. 

Notice in none of the above did I use the word "angry." 

But I am angry.

And this kind of thing easily angers me. I go from happy and carefree to downright ticked off at someone else's largely harmless mistake. I say 'mistake' because there have been several times where I thought it was okay to get on the train and it turned out there were still several people trying to get out. Whoops. I made a mistake, it happens. 

Yes there are probably people who do it deliberately because they're impatient or don't care. But silently (or even audibly) judging them isn't going to change anything. But forgiveness will. Forgiveness brings peace to your heart and frees you from judgement. 

So, to the two ladies who rushed in as I was trying to exit the train this afternoon... I forgive you. 

If MLK could forgive I'm pretty sure I can let those two women slide. This time. ;)
BK on Flickr (under CC license)